


Here for the Cake

by Achini



Category: Infinite (Band)
Genre: Best Friends, Birthday, F/M, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Music, Romance, Weddings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-30
Updated: 2019-04-30
Packaged: 2020-02-10 06:21:45
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 24,491
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18654703
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Achini/pseuds/Achini
Summary: It's popular belief that all lonely singletons went to Weddings for the cake,but only a few would be lucky enough to leave with something more.- "When you find a girl at your brother's wedding, how do you ask her out without stealing the show?"- "Try giving her a piece of Cake and a message. She'll like that"~ A random couple from Buzzfeed ~





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> To Kim Sung Gyu,
> 
> For believing, persuading, existing,
> 
> And completing me.
> 
> Happy Birthday...

      **I’ve never really** been the biggest fan of weddings. The vows, the dancing, the long trained dresses and pearled bodieses which would likely suffocate you for the best part of the day. I didn’t like the idea of spending one’s earning of a lifetime to feed people whom they probably didn’t even acquaint much, or listening to them giving speech after speech despite not having shared even a sandwich over the odd summer holidays. I wasn’t a fan of weddings whatsoever, but that didn’t mean I wasn’t particularly fond of attending them. Attending wedding receptions was fun, attending wedding receptions had its own perks. And as for me, the reason why I was here, precisely at this moment, sitting in the audience witnessing my best friend’s sister tying the knot, I had to say, was the cake.

A popular belief, wasn’t it? That sad old singletons attended people’s weddings just so that they could have at least the supreme indulgence of culinary delights? ‘I’ll be there for the cake’ would say a girl who’d had a recent heartbreak or who inherently despised the idea of marriage. It's not in the books per se; no great philosophers had it preserved in ink and parchment. But it's there; out in the open, in the champagne and lavender infused air, in every threadbare of satin ties and silk dresses like a beckoning. The belief that some were there for weddings for the cake whereas their truest intentions was to bystand in an occasion they were almost too certain that they’d never experience in the time of their life.

I wasn’t there for the cake. I already knew what the cake was going to be like. Almond and Rose`, I’ve been there at the cake tasting as my best friend wanted me to be there. I knew what the design was going to be, I knew how many canapes were ordered, I knew what brand of champagne the waiters would be carrying around on chrome trays. I wasn’t there for the cake, no. The reason I was there (other than being invited with a pearly linen invitation card embossed with golden cursive) was my ex boyfriend, the man who left me for my other best friend, for her tinkle of a laughter and girly charms, making me feel less of me than I already did.

To be honest, I wasn’t too happy with the idea of being here. We didn’t have the best relationship; our love wasn’t all rainbows and flowers, and it was hardly anything to cry over. We fought, we cried, we stood at the edge of reason and watched as our hopes and dreams crumbled apart. When we went on seperate ways, I already knew that we hadn’t a chance of making things better again. We simply was not on a bad patch. We weren’t standing on grounds of a relationship at all. What actually did hurt me, however, was not that we never worked out. It was that he still found solace in the next first opportunity that came about (My other best friend) while I was left to rot; old, haggard and exhausted, as his life danced around in spontaneous dates, chilled wine and nights out wrapped in cashmere scarves. He could simply move on from one boat to the other as I remained stranded in an island which seemed to suffer in an eternal drought.

And i was there to witness him, see him being brilliant and happy, wrapped around in the hands of my other best friend, stars in his eyes and grace in his smile like he’d won the world, then sit in a corner and think about all the what-ifs and could-have-beens that I’d miss out.

“Cake?” a voice echoed to the side of me, and I looked up to see Sung Gyu, my best friend who’s sister got hitched tonight, standing beside me with a ceramic plate in his hand; it was laden with a massive slice of almond and Rose` cake, balanced on it was a tall glass of bubbling champagne.

 

“If you spill that on my head, I swear to god-,” I begin tiredly as he placed the glass on the table before me. I wouldn’t have said that if I hadn’t first hand experience on it. But god, I did. The first time was a can of paint when we were in twelfth grade and he had me slaving for him, holding the ladder by its legs as he painted the roof of his mother’s store green. It wasn’t a nice experience, really. It was either that I live with sticky green mess of a hair for the next few decades, or go bald. Everyone agreed that I went with the second.

Sung Gyu laughed and pulled out the chair beside me. I hadn’t seen him for the entire day; he was sort of like the main organizer for the whole wedding, which his sister couldn’t be involved with, tackling a high-demanding job and her first month of pregnancy. He’d been all over the place, looking into what could have possibly gone amiss. But still he didn’t forget to make it a point to come and remind me not to creepily stare at woohyun, my ex. He said he could see me right across the hall and that i looked a bit creepy. His observation didn’t help me much, to be honest. Now I had to stare and make it not too obvious, which wasn’t an easy task in itself.

“So, how you feeling?” he asked, placing both his hands on the table before him. His expensive cufflinks glimmered incessantly under the chandelier lights.

“Very single” I sighed, playing with my serviette. It’s been long since i had last been single. Woohyun and I had dated for good three years, and as uneventful as that time had been, I was still occupied, I had something going on and my focus was diverted. At least I wasn’t sitting in a corner, watching the time of my life flying into the nether.

“That’s not even a feeling” Sung Gyu groaned, throwing at me the accusing look that he’d been giving me for the last few weeks. It's been nearly a month since we actually split, and for that entire month I’d been brooding and Sung Gyu’d tried to be supportive, but well...he tried. I couldn’t say he’d been exactly helpful.

“It is a feeling when you are emotionally hurting and raw“ I returned defensively, pouting my lips.

“Come on, it’s not like everything’s over” He said and met my eyes, raising his brows that it nearly reached his hairline. “Who knows, there could be someone better around the corner”

“Who?” I challenged, and gazed across the hall where Woohyun was sitting surrounded by my other friends whom I couldn’t associate with since we were over. “Nobody’s going to be as good as Nam Woohyun”

And that was the truth. When I first met Nam Woohyun, we were both running for the same bus. He was a writer, a poet; one of those people who preferred to live like they were very well below the poverty line although in reality, had a very good lump in their multiple bank accounts. He wasn't stingy. He just saved. And the he used that money for charity and invested on funding a cat rescue program. He used public transport, observed people and situations being a quiet bystander. He smiled at people, offered seats to elderly and helped children off the steps before the bus took off. I met him in one such situation when I couldn’t reach the bus on time. He stood by the door, not allowing it to shut close and his hand held out for me to grasp. As I did, I literally felt the sparks flying, my world spinning around and finally falling into place. When I first met his eyes and saw him smile, I thought that this was going to be the man I would be marrying and spend the eternity with.

A month later, now broken apart, I still couldn’t get around the fact that it never turned out to be that way.

“Eh, don’t be that dramatic he’d not that great” Sung Gyu replied dismissively, and had a mouthful of the cake that he brought for  _me._  He had a bit of frosting on the corner of his lips, which he seemed to be completely oblivious of, and almost instinctively, i picked up the serviette that I’ve been playing with and wiped it off. “ _You_ learn how to eat properly”

He just shrugged noncommittally and continued to eat the cake. And he was still talking; he was counting off on his fingers, all the reasons why Woohyun made a terrible boyfriend. “First off, he’s stingy. What does he spend on anyway except for his stupid cats? And then he’s short, I can literally fold him and put him in my pocket. Third off, can you even tolerate his silly little poems in your wallet every single fucking day?”

I angrily balled the tissue with frosting on it in my fist. “He’s not stingy, he’s saving unlike you who spend on Video Games!” i poked on his arm for emphasis. “And what’s the matter in being short? You’re tall and lanky but you don’t look as good as he does. Then lastly, I liked his silly little poems”

Sung Gyu pouted as he looked at me, appearing hurt and offended which I knew for a fact he wasn’t. Sung Gyu was chilled like that. There was nothing that offended him except for bad drivers and law breakers and people who didn’t use honorifics on him. But that was only because he was teaching in a school or the other (Okay, he was a lecturer. He taught music, so what?) and he liked to live his like he never broke a single law but i’d seen him enough times running red lights and shrugging it off when I brought it up. And to be honest, he wasn’t that so shabby looking; he looked great when he put in an effort, liked he did today (Hair pushed up, nicely pressed dark suit and all that) only except that he hardly ever put an effort. But that didn’t mean he could compare himself to the epitome of perfection that Nam Woohyun was.

Not that he did so anyway.

I didn’t realise that I was once again staring at Woohyun across the room, thinking back to everything that I used to be and how much I despised my other best friend despite what truly happened, and it was only when Sung Gyu touched the chilled glass of Champagne to my cheek that I returned from my train of thoughts.

“Quit it, you are ruining my make up” I slowly pushed his hand away.

“Nah you look good” he pressed his sleeve onto my cheek, the soft fabric grazing over my skin. “Either Way, you got to stop that staring business. He wasn’t worth it anyway”

I rolled my eyes and folded my hands on my chest. “Is that what you’re here to tell me?”

He hummed, his head tilted to a side and shook his head. “No”

“You didn’t even let me have my cake” I went on, poking at what's left of what could have been the luscious almond and Rose delight. “I am here for Woohyun. And if you don’t let me have that, at least let me have the cake”

“There’s plenty” He shrugged, pushing the last of what's left of the cake towards me. A waiter with a chrome tray laiden of champagne passed by and Sung Gyu reached over to grasp one for me. He placed it in front of me, quietly folded a paper napkin and placed it on a side. Then he looked at me and smiled.

Sung Gyu had a disarming smile, so much so that i couldn’t even begin to hate him. If i felt even slightly annoyed by what he’d been doing, it all simply washed away. He made me feel warm; Sung Gyu did. He made me feel content and comfortable that it was hard to imagine a life without him.

There was a fine line between a best friend and a lover. There was a reason why Woohyun was a lover and Sung Gyu was my best friend. There were more than one thing that made them two different but two important people in my life. Perhaps, I could live without Woohyun. I wouldn’t say it was possible; but I could manage, yes, I could try. But Sung Gyu, well, I was too attached to him in a way that he was literally a part of me. And a life without him? I couldn’t even imagine myself existing, as if him being there was all I needed to go on living. I had wondered enough times if that fine line had ever blurred; when I had first broken up and cried into his shoulder, when I got into college and he was the one who drove me there, when I was thirteen and got my first period and he was there to cover my stained behind with his jacket. But then, something stopped me, something held us apart and I couldn’t let the lines blur and let myself crossover lest we lost everything that we were. I was scared, that’s all there was to it. I couldn’t bear losing him. We always lost lovers; they faded away like the last sheans of snow in the spring. But best friends like Sung Gyu; they were there to remain as long as life lasted, and that’s all I had always wanted from him, nothing more.

“You can’t bribe me with extra champagne” I told him as I picked it up and took a sip. Sung Gyu raised his brows, perhaps at my contradictory actions and explanations and he drank from his own.

“Don’t you think you’re forgetting something?” He asked afterwards, his brows still raised high up, and then slowly he lifted his sleeve and tapped on his wrist watch. It took me a moment for the truth to dawn upon me, and when it did, I placed a hand on my forehead.

The weirdest thing was this. The only day that Sung Gyu could get the wedding venue booked was the day that he cherished the most. Despite his age, he really acted like a silly hormonal teen sometimes; and after having booked the hall for his favourite day of the year, he had called me somewhere in the middle of that night and complained;  _“She’s going to have her wedding on MY day and steal the show”_  he told me as if he wasn’t even the one to book the hall for her. I had imagined how his lips pouted and eyes widened, like an idiot of a child. Since then whenever he brought it up, I’d literally hit myself with a snap.

“God, you’re ridiculous” I said and reached out for my clutch. I made sure it looked embarrassing, so I had put everything in a small lavender envelop. In front of it was a little cartoon drawing of  _‘We Bear Bears_ ’ and it smelled of my favourite perfume. He breathed in the air wafting around it for a moment, making a face. But still he returned to smile like a child as he stared at the envelop in my hand.

“Come here” I told him, and when he obliged, I moved closer and put my hands around his neck. “Happy birthday, you old man”

That’s right. Kim Sung Gyu, my best friend will be turning thirty two on this one fine day. Despite his age, he was still sulking over that his sister got to cut the cake and enjoy all the wedding related shenanigans on  _his_  birthday. For months, I was continuously hearing the same old, same old thing.  _She’s taking all of my attention, this is MY chance of attention, this is MY time for presents_. Sometimes I wished I could remind him that  _god_ , he was a grown ass man. But then, I noticed it that there was nobody else in the world that he would behave this way with; except me. Not his sister, not his parents. That made me feel a little special, somehow, although it was mostly an actual pain in the neck. It was quite adorable in a way as well, if it didn’t climb up my nerves sometimes.

“Thank you! you’re too nice” He said, and I could almost feel his grin against my shoulder.

“Quit it, I know what you wanted” I replied, pushing the envelope into his hands. He grasped it with a little squeak, like a chipmunk, and held it to his chest as if he’d just gotten the best gift in the world. I couldn’t help but smile fondly at his response. True, Woohyun was evidently cuter, but I swear to  _god_  Sung Gyu sometimes literally took my breath away with all the adorable things he could do. He ripped it open carefully, and the stack of vouchers that I bought for him slipped into is hands. It's all to buy his favorite gaming CDs. That’s what I got for him every birthday; that, or an expensive meal. He prefered his games the most, to be honest. I could swear I had spent more than half my income trying to purchase every single game that he needed.

“God, this is everything I wanted” He said, looking through the vouchers like they meant anything more than what they actually were. The nicest thing about Sung Gyu was that he was genuinely appreciative; be it birthday gifts or a nice meal or christmas presents that I’d give him; it could be vouchers for his games or dinner at his favourite restaurant, he’d still show his appreciation, contentment and genuine enthusiasm in a way so real that you couldn’t begin to hate him for what trouble you had to go through for him. He could afford his games, of course, he had enough money for all the expensive dinners that he desired. But for some reason, he’d rather have them coming from me; and for some reason, I’d rather be the one delivering for his happiness as well.

For the next few minutes, I sat and listened to all the games that hoped to buy with the vouchers, how it was probably the best thing he’d gotten on his birthday and how his mother forgot it in the morning and he had to literally remind her. I listened to him, laughed at him when I should, nodded and responded with my wittiest remarks. For that moment, like it always did whenever I spent time with Sung Gyu, all my qualms and worries faded away. For that moment, everything just felt better; I felt wanted, I felt loved. I felt my worth as someone important in his life, and the fact that my ex had chosen someone better over me didn’t even matter. For twenty years, Sung Gyu and I had never changed; I’d always been his best friend, and so had he been mine. That remained like a constant, our friendship; as if I needn’t even fear of losing each other.

At some point, we both were laughing so hard that I spilled my glass all over the table and down on my dress. It dripped down my silk skirt and onto the tiled floor as both of us stared at the bubbly liquid, stifling a laughter.

“Clumsy idiot” He said, making a face, and I couldn’t burst out laughing. He really had this funny way of speaking, Sung Gyu did. He always had me laughing at any point of the day to the point that I couldn’t even catch my breath; another one of the many things that had never changed between us.

“I can literally feel it in my clothes” I complained as he dabbed the cold liquid off my clothes. He was laughing, and I could only see the top of his head and the way his shoulders shook. His hair smelled nice, really, a bit like lavender. I took a deep breath of his scent and poked my fingers into his hair.

“Do you need a change of clothes or-?” He asked, finally lifting his head, and I climbed up on my feet. “Better have a trip to the loo, can’t have my underwear soaking”

“Too much information” He rolled his eyes and shoved me ahead. “Go off, I’ll get this cleaned up”


	2. Chapter 2

**I suppose,** going off at that moment was the biggest mistake that I did that day. I did go off. Nothing strange happened, nothing caught my eyes all the way to the washroom down the vast hallway outside the reception, passing the fellow patrons who were engrossed in their own worlds. As I approached the ladies’, however, the first person I ran into, standing on the path to the ladies’ was Woohyun, looking as immaculate as ever, one hand in his pocket and the other holding the phone that he’d never changed. He glanced up at me, perhaps perturbed by the possible passerby. He saw me, and his face changed. He was, I noticed, smiling slightly into the phone in his hand. Upon grasping me standing before him, however, his expression perceptibly changed. He went blank, as if I was the last person he wanted to see for the entire day, as if, despite being in literally the same wedding reception for the past couple of hours, he hadn’t even expected the possibility of us coming across each other.

I couldn’t help it. A month apart hadn’t done anything to my poor paining heart. I still liked him, i knew that much. I still had him hovering in my mind like a ghost, a painful memory that would resurface every time I’d see the depth of his empty eyes, like a scab being pulled off a wound, time and time again.

“H-Hey” I greeted. I knew I shouldn’t have done that. Had Sung Gyu seen me, he would have hit me on the back of my head and called me a fool.

I thought Woohyun would pretend that I did not exist. But he didn’t. Instead, he gave me just a ghost of a smile. “Hi”

We haven’t seen each other for an entire month, and seeing him now, happy and blossomed than never before, felt like a spring rain in the eternal drought of my life. Myriad times had I wanted to see him, sneak out of home in the night, perhaps; catch even a slight glimpse of him like an animal in famine. But Sung Gyu had stopped me time and time again.  _‘You’re just hurting yourself_ ’, he had told me, his voice deep and quiet, in this way that he always did when he was talking about something that he absolutely meant. And Sung Gyu was right. The very sight of him was paining me. But what if that was all I needed, to know that I was still alive?

“So, umm…” I fiddled with my hands. “What are you doing here?”

“Oh umm” I saw how his ears visibly reddened. I have dated him for three years, spent the best part of my life with him; and that was enough to read him right off the first page.

“I...am with Yoonmi, actually” He continued, rubbing the back of his head; and at that moment, I felt something uncomfortable settling in my heart despite already knowing what it was going to be. He was with Yoonmi. He had accompanied her to the ladies and waited for her to be done with, just like he’d done for me million times. In the back of my mind, a voice was straining to scream at him.  _It was me you should be doing that for; you should have waited for ME._

But as difficult as it was, i had to accept how much the things have changed. Woohyun did not look at me in the same way that he always did. His eyes did not have the warmth that he first had when he’d taken my hand and helped me into the bus, and somewhere later in our time together, into his arms, into his life. It was as if all the times we’d spent together, huddled under the blankets in cold spring mornings, walking hand in hand along the river bank and warm starless nights we’d sat together searching in each others eyes, had all since disappeared into oblivion. It was as if everything that we used to be no longer mattered now. Woohyun didn’t say anything afterwards, neither did I. And as I passed by him, pushed open the door and eased myself into the washroom, I felt the last string between us finally snap and disappear. There was a sense of finality, him moving forward faster than I could ever bring myself to. I knew that I had to move on. But how? Unable to work out the answer myself, feeling like I was just about to break apart, I headed straight to a cubicle. I spent a little longer inside, allowing my heart to calm down, allowing the moist in my eyes to dry up.

I exited the cubicle a little while later, and when I did, a familiar figure was there standing by the vast Bathroom mirror, now in a dress which was different from what she wore before, her hands carefully removing the rings from her ears.

I halted for a moment, a mixture of emotions stirring inside me.

The thing was, I didn’t hate Yoonmi. I could never bring myself to hate someone that I had loved and cherished. As important as Woohyun was for me, I wouldn’t blame her for taking him away. Yoonmi indeed was charming and beautiful. She was petite and kind and had this warm, tranquil vibe to her that would always make you feel comfortable in her presence. Comparing to her, indeed I wasn’t anything much. I was just nondescript; ordinary. She was everything that I could never be. And in that sense, it was almost too certain that someone like Woohyun; who always seeked for tranquility in life, would choose her over me. I had been too much work for him. He admitted it himself. God knew how Sung Gyu could tolerate me for this long. But then again, our views on most things were almost the same.

“Hey” Yoonmi greeted me, her smile so bright and her eyes crinkling on the corners; she never felt anything against anyone, she was always too pure for that.

“Hey Yoonmi” I greeted back, holding my hand underneath the motion sensitive tap. For a moment, it was only the sound of water running and the light tinkle of Yoonmi’s jewelry. I glanced at her surreptitiously through the mirror, feeling extremely self-conscious. I realised, subconsciously I was comparing myself to her; the shape of her eyes which were nothing like mine, the brilliance of her skin a deep contrast to the paleness that I had; how her hair shimmered like a waterfall while mine remained a dark wavy mess. In the back of my head, I ticked off everything that I had never been for Nam Woohyun. Indeed, it was why he left me for her. I’d been nothing compared to the perfection that she was.

I hadn’t realised that I was staring at her through the mirror, the motionsense tap turning off and on again and again. She smiled at me warmly as she met my eyes, and I felt my cheeks heating up, embarrassed. I wondered if she felt it too, that I was seeing all the flaws of myself against her.

“Saera there’s-,” She piped up suddenly, and I turned to face her. She took a slow step towards me, her hand reached out, her eyes focused on something on my shoulder. She then dusted away what I could only see as cake crumbs. God, Sung Gyu must have spilled it all over my head.

“How did that get there?” Yoonmi laughed, a sound which reminded me of distant wedding chimes. “An odd place for cake crumbs to be”

“Sung Gyu, probably” I said grimly, recalling the way he’d held the plate of cake over my head a couple of minutes ago. He’d always been a messy eater. He’d probably dusted it all over me as he ate.

“Ah” Yoonmi raised her brows and proceeded to wash her hands. As she did, she met my eyes, a strange look in them as if she was seeing right through me. “So how are you guys?”

“Who? Sung Gyu and me?” I reached for the tissue dispenser and pulled out a sheaf of it.

“Yeah?”

“We’re good” I replied, and almost unconsciously, at the thought of him, a fond smile spread across my lips. “It’s his birthday, actually. Old man’s turning thirty two”

Yoonmi laughed. “He looks nothing like it” She reached for the tissue dispenser herself.

“Yeah, he looks like a kid” I laughed, and the memory of him squeaking at the vouchers for the games made me laugh. “He acts like one too”

Yoonmi joined in, laughing herself. “So true, he does!”

A moment of quietness as she wiped her hands off the paper towels, and then she added, almost too naturally. “And I think you two look good together”

I halted, the damp tissues turning cold in my hands. Something shifted inside me, something warm and unfamiliar. But then I dismissed her with a laugh. “Sung gyu and I?”

“Yeah...you are  _so much_  alike” She replied as she concentratedly dusted her cheeks. “In a good way I mean”

I mulled it for a moment. It was true, in a sense; we were too much alike, Sung Gyu and I. But still-,

“I haven’t really thought about it” I shrugged. “He’s my best friend anyway”

“That doesn’t mean things couldn’t change” Yoonmi looked at me meaningfully, her eyes bearing into mine as if she was trying to plant that thought inside me. She left me for my own thoughts after that point, the tap turned on by itself, the water running and filling the quiet of the room. I gazed at my own reflection for a little while longer, at where the cake crumbs dusted my shoulders, at where the champagne spilled and stained my skirt. I mulled over her words for a moment, over how things changed; how Yoonmi and I went from Best friends to just friends, how Woohyun and I changed from lovers to strangers. All of a sudden, I was seeing the possibilities, as images of the Sung Gyu I had always known and cherished filled my mind. I was seeing the possibilities, of how the line could be blurred, the line between best friends and lovers, until there was nothing, nothing at all.

 

“Saera, there you are!” Sung Gyu called me as I made my way towards the table that I’d left him in. “Jesus, for a moment I thought you’d slipped into the toilet”

I glanced down at Sung Gyu, at the ripples of brown and dark in his hair and Yoonmi’s voice echoed in my head.

“You look very red in the face, were your panties really soaking?”

There, that’s probably the reason why we wouldn’t fit.

“You’re horrible” I reached out and hit him on his arm. He was laughing, his eyes disappearing into crescent moons, his laughter a sound so pleasant in my ears. But then it dissipated, his eyes focused on me. His gaze fell into mine, then; and for a moment I could feel him seeing right into me. I knew what this meant; he was quietly scrutinizing me. He was sensing things, the kind of things he wouldn’t have wanted me to be feel, sensing that I’d done the kind of things that he wouldn’t approve of me doing. He bit a corner of his lips, which I watched, feeling acutely aware of his presence than ever before. Then he placed his hands before him on the table and moved closer.

“You met him on the way, didn’t you?”

I stayed quiet, gazing down at my clenched hands, and by the corner of my eyes I could see him looking across the hall where they were setting things up for the last bit of the occasion. He turned to face me.

“I don’t have loads of time right now; but tell me, what happened?”

I knew it that he had indeed sensed something. I could lie to him, dismiss him for the moment, tell him that it was nothing and that he needn’t worry that he could just move about with whatever tasks he had in hand. But knowing Sung Gyu, I realised that there was no way that I could get away from him. For one, he simply wouldn’t let me until he got to the bottom of everything. Secondly, well, I didn’t really want him to.

I stared down at my hands, acutely aware of Sung Gyu’s gaze unwavering on me. He was going to hate me for this, I was certain.

“I met Yoonmi in the ladies’” I admitted. I couldn’t tell him about how I had met Woohyun right outside, waiting for his girlfriend like he had done million times for me. It was too painful of a memory to recall that I’d rather not think about it at all. He, oblivious to this, allowed a moment of silence pass between us, perhaps, urging me to continue. When I didn’t, he moved even closer.

“And?” He asked.

“And…” I bit my lips and let out a sigh. I couldn’t help myself, he had let the floodgates open; like he would always do to me. My innermost thoughts were coming out in the form of words, coated with emotions that I never believed to have felt before.

“She was gorgeous” I replied and looked up at him. He was watching me, his jaw set, eyes bearing into mine, an unreadable expression blazing inside them. His quietness urged me to continue. “Yoonmi’s gorgeous, Sung Gyu; have you seen how pretty her eyes were? They are like...like  _Bambi’s_. And she has the clearest shiny skin, not icy pale like mine...and she just has this vibe that makes you feel so calm and content around her. She smiles all the time, and she has these nicely shaped lips-,”

“Saera” Sung Gyu suddenly interrupted me, and seeing the look in his eyes meant that he didn’t approve or cared about a single word I’d been telling him. “Stop it” He sighed and folded his hands before him. In the way he looked at me, I could tell, he was not about to be kidding me. He meant business.

“True, Yoonmi is gorgeous. So what? You’re gorgeous too”

Something snapped inside me, and I was painfully aware of how that made me feel. The truth was, he’d told me things like that million times, and that was nothing so new to me. But at this moment, with what Yoonmi had told me, with what I had thought about him and then with the way that he had said it just now, the way I felt towards his statement was different. Sung Gyu, unaware of this, however, carried on.

“And again, it is true that she is...I don’t know, whatever she made you feel. But that doesn’t make any less of you. She could make you feel calm or whatever around her, but that doesn’t mean you have to as well”

I looked at him, witnessed the fire in his eyes and sighed. He just didn’t get it, I guess. “That’s not the point” I told him, slightly irritated. “Don’t you see? _She’s_  the one that Woohyun left  _me_  for, after all these years. And that’s because Yoonmi was everything that I wasn’t and couldn’t be”

Sung Gyu stared at me for a moment too long, and then he scoffed. He just scoffed. That’s what he did when he thought something I said was outrageous. That’s what he did when whatever i had said made him angry.

“Ridiculous” He said and shook his head in disapproval. Then he turned to me. “That’s not what it is, Saera, Woohyun left you because  _he_  was not the one for you. It’s not always about him, you see? It’s about you too” He began to poke at the serviette before him for emphasis as he continued: “You, woman, was  _not_  the one for him. Why? Because spending on charity for cats was _not_  for you, going on fancy moonlight dinners was  _not_  you, and  _jesus_ , the sappy love poems in your wallet every bloody morning was  _definitely_  not _you!_  Don’t you see? He probably didn’t even love you for you but for the idea of having you…but you deserve so much better than that”

He finished at that note, breathing heavily and took a long slug of the champagne that he had left. I glanced down at his wrist, at the expensive cufflinks on his immaculate white sleeves; then at his hand, a small silver band around his pinky finger, one that he’d had since his high school days and refused to rid of for so long. I liked it, really. His fingers were pale and long, quite beautiful; and the ring looked breathtaking on him. It was true and real as everything about him, everything that he’d said and done. They didn’t have to be true for the whole world, really. His thoughts were subjective, just like they all usually were with anyone. Regardless, Sung Gyu never held back. He was passionate and sincere, he saw different sides of things and examined them thoroughly like folding leaves of a book; every string and fiber until he had understood it all. And today, what he’d just said was perhaps truer than anything I had so far believed.

I never liked what Woohyun and I used to be. I hated that we had to go on inexpensive dates and spend hours in cat shelters scooping their turds into plastic bags just so that I could support his charity-related dreams. I wanted spontaneousness; I wanted adventure. I wanted late night drives and and dancing in the rain, getting drunk on the sheer contentment of being myself and sometimes a dozen of beer bombs. Woohyun never approved of them, of course; he never liked the kind of lifestyle that I led. And indeed, to accommodate him, in the fear that he would leave me, I had to change myself too. I realised, for three years, I was hardly being myself. I did whatever that he wished, he wanted, and was slowly I was beginning to lose myself. I was unhappy, not because our relationship was in strain, I realised. I was unhappy because I was not myself anymore. And I  _missed_  me, I missed  _me_.

Oh, and of course, I  _despised_  the silly little poems in my wallet every morning. I mean,  _God_ , I had tried to like them and be appreciative every time I found one stuck over the photo of Sung Gyu and me as children (Woohyun hated it, I think. He always stuck it over Sung Gyu’s face) but I failed miserably with Sung Gyu laughing beside me, making fun of the words I could hardly make sense of. He was right. The kind of romance that Woohyun seeked for was not me.

But then what? I felt a heavy pain striking through me. If that kind of romance was not for me, then what was? Who would like someone like me anyway? I had thought when I met Woohyun, the first man to actually and honestly date me, that it was going to be either Woohyun, or nobody at all. Now I realised, painfully, that I had finally come down to that phase in life. It was nobody. It wasn’t going to be Woohyun, so it was nobody.

I didn’t hold myself back. I couldn’t. My thoughts were loud and vocal as they had always been, and soon I was talking again, without restraints. “If that wasn’t for me then, obviously there’s nobody” I shrugged. I felt angry at myself really. Why couldn’t I be like everybody else? Why couldn’t I be cute and charming with huge shining eyes and nice glowing skin with a love for poetry and candle light dinners? Why did I have to be me? It was unfair, honestly. I was angry at everything. “If I’d been cuter, I’d have gotten a boyfriend too” I ended with a pout. Well, I was angry, alright. But how could I be angry at Sung Gyu who hadn’t done anything wrong to me and also while everything he’d said so far was true? So I tried to make it light hearted and stared at him with widened doe eyes.

I knew that I wasn’t cute like all those immaculate picture-perfect girls were. But I had Sung Gyu with me, for whom I didn’t necessarily have to be to remain best of friends.

He stared at me for a moment, a little mystified; this continued on for a moment, and then he scoffed, turning away. “You’re ridiculous” He said and took a large glug of champagne, finishing it off in one go. Then he groaned. “Regardless, Saera, you need to stop with this whole  _‘Nobody’s going to like me’_  bullshit. I mean, that was just one guy. And he wasn’t even that great either so to say” He raised his brows and looked down at me. “How can we say really? There could be someone who would like you for you out there…” Then he grinned, his eyes disappearing into narrow slits. “I mean, I’ve liked you for this so long”

For a moment, my heart stopped. I stared up at him, searching for anything that could insinuate anything more than what he’d just said. But then he smiled, not an unusual one; just the smile that I had been accustomed to. The goofy and annoying one that he made when he wanted to piss me off. “If I could tolerate you for like twenty years, I’m sure there’s definitely someone who could for even longer”

“Oh, you” I rolled my eyes, finally my heart returning to its usual pace. Then I sighed. I did wish what he said could be true in any sense. But how? I was not like all of them, I wasn’t the kind of a girl that they were looking for. Besides-,

“You’re my best friend. That’s different” I shrugged.

He was quiet for a moment. I felt him looking down at me, and I felt the same sense of hopefulness once again. I wondered what it all could possibly mean. But before even I could delve into that emotion, Sung Gyu said from beside me. “Well, there’s that” A sense of finality and understanding in his tone.

I smiled, feeling a sort of relief. I was afraid once again, I guess. This was the only relationship I could count on; it felt like a constant, the one thing, one person I could absolutely rely on. And allowing the lines to blur could only mean one thing in my mind; I could probably be letting us fade away.

So I said, just so that I made the atmosphere lighter. “I should probably start searching then...under the rocks and park benches and stuff” I laughed at my own words, hoping he would laugh along. He did, like we always would, and he mentioned that I should definitely look under park benches. We were quiet then, Sung Gyu looking at his watch and me gazing down at his hand fisted beside me. I thought of everything that he’d been telling me, my cheeks warming up, sensing his presence in a way that I’d never before.

“Actually, I’m interested too” Sung Gyu piped up all of a sudden, then. There it was again; his strange spontaneous responses which seemed to make no sense, which came out of the blue. I looked at him, but he was looking back at me in this non-committed way that probably wouldn't mean anything. “Well, while we are in the topic. I was thinking of finding a girl myself” He continued.

“Eh?” I moved away, quite baffled myself. I had thought he was getting at something...different. But this wasn’t what I was expecting, really. I knew that Sung Gyu liked to do a lot of things; but an actual relationship had never really been one of them.

“There’s this girl actually” He went on, looking at each of his cuticles with great interest. “And I was thinking, if there was a girl I liked at my sister’s wedding on my birthday, how do I ask her out without stealing the show?”

It was safe to say that for a moment, I had frozen in time.


	3. Chapter 3

**A girl.**  Kim Sung Gyu had found  _a girl_. For some reason, Sung Gyu and a girl he liked couldn’t possibly be put on the same page. He was a sweet guy, Sung Gyu was; but i always felt he wouldn’t make such a great boyfriend. He was so  _unromantic;_  he liked to play his games the most, or watch people playing video games on the TV or work or just nap at home when he was not working. And most importantly, there’d never been a girl that he’d ever been committed to. He’d had a few odd girlfriends then and there; sometimes a student, sometimes a batchmate in his Phd course.

The first actual relationship that he ever committed to was with his Teaching Assistant soon after he got placed probationary at Kyunghee University. I could still recall him telling me; he had dated her out of pity, he’d dated her just because she liked him and she looked like she needed someone to rely on. As it happened, her parents had both passed in a car crash just around that same time. I felt ridiculously sad for her; and as it was around the time that Woohyun and I had started dating ourselves, I felt this outrageous sense of pride towards Sung Gyu as well, for taking over the responsibility of a broken girl. Things were going good for them, I guess. He was doing quite well as a boyfriend, something he generally failed in amongst lots of other things.

But then, somewhere into that time, while Sung Gyu was out drinking with his work friends, his mother had walked into his flat to do some laundry and cleaning up, only to find his girlfriend lying across his bed with nothing on but a silk scarf covering the crucial bits. I hadn't heard of her since then. But I knew for a fact that things hadn’t eneded exactly very prettily for them. The story had since remained my favourite to tease him him with; his ears would run crimson and fists chalk white even at the mention of her. She wasn’t a particularly painful memory for him. Just someone that he felt increasingly embarrassed about. That’s the thing. Sung Gyu never did love; he wasn’t that kind of a person. He had girlfriends when he felt like he should, and that’s as far as it went.

So that was what Sung gyu and his girls were like, despite being able to give brilliant relationship advice. I suppose he was that one friend who was good with his advices but had been single for as long as we’d known. He just knew all the right things that he needed to tell me. But romantic life for Kim Sung Gyu had always been quite a mess.

“Hmm” I contemplated his question; an ocean of emotions swarming my mind. There were feelings that I couldn’t quite put a name on, and it felt strange; how on earth was Sung Gyu about to ask out a girl?

And what girl? What girl that I did not know?

“Wait” I said, arranging myself in the seat. “What is this? What girl? How am I getting to know this now?”

Sung Gyu shrugged, giving me an unreadable look by the corner of his eyes. “You’d see” He smiled, still gazing away from me, and strangely I caught a dreamy stance in his eyes. His smile was gentle, and cheeks were slowly turning from pink to crimson. I knew Sung Gyu more than enough to read every single action that he made, and  _god,_  this was not good. I could see him clearly than anything else. There was a girl;  _there was_. And perhaps, he was in love.

_Sung Gyu was in love._

The truth was, I never considered myself as particularly possessive. I’d always been a free spirit; nothing in my life had ever held me down. But at that moment, I felt an odd sense of anger and frustration at a girl that I didn’t even know. I felt betrayed, honestly. I had always been fine with him dating; I’ve supported a lot of them even while knowing that they probably wouldn’t last. This now, it was all rather different. For one, I was no longer acquainted; and if he were to take off with a girlfriend, I wouldn’t see enough of him; whoever she was would take him away, and I’d bloody well lose myself.

For a second...well, I just couldn’t pinpoint what the second reason was. Perhaps I was just afraid of being left alone. Perhaps I was just paranoid, in spite of knowing that he would never leave me. But this was different. I had always been the one that he relied on, found solace in. But what if it all changed now? What if this girl took my place and he wouldn’t need me anymore?

Okay. I’m well aware that perhaps I might have done the same to him the past three years. I had tried to rely on Woohyun, I had him for the most part of the past three years of my life. But I swear to god I still had Sung Gyu the bigger part of me. He was still my constant, my comfort, the one I trusted over myself, the one I relied on, and that never changed. It never mattered who came to my life, I didn’t let anyone come between what Sung gyu and I had maintained for all these years. I am pretty sure that he wouldn’t either. And to not support him with this, trying to have him for myself was just a selfish thing to do. But I was scared. That’s what it was. I was scared. What if I lose him to someone? Like I said, I can go on living without Woohyun no longer existing in my life. But if Sung Gyu too, disappeared, that would perhaps be the end of me.

But no, I was his best friend, and he searched for support in me. He turned to me at this moment when he had fallen in love because he knew and trusted that I would help him no matter what; and that was damn well what I was going to do. Support him unwaveringly and hold on to him as long as I could.

“So this girl” I started, leaning in towards him. “What is she like?”

Sung Gyu looked at me for a moment, the dreamy stance still in his eyes, but he was not smiling, like he was seeing me for the first time. “You will know” He sighed and looked away.

“Eh” I hit him on his arm. “You’re giving me nothing to go by”

He shrugged again, his hands clutching each other. In the back I could hear them checking the sound and the mics. At he end of the ceremony, to conclude everything, Sung Gyu’s sister and her husband would be sitting and listening to all the boring old talks. Sung gyu was probably going to give a talk too, and I was probably going to watch him, giggling uncontrollably and Sung Gyu would see me across the hall. The worst that could happen was that he’d stifle himself for a moment, but then he’d just burst out laughing; like we were a pair of connected chain reactions.

“Okay” I sighed, sensing that his time to get back to everything was soon approaching. He wouldn’t leave me. The thought was so strongly imprinted in my mind. It was going to be just another girl, and I would still be his best friend. It was all good. But I was still afraid to even look around the hall to see who it was, the girl who had finally caught his eyes.

“You can just...I don’t know, try giving her a piece of cake and a message. She’d like it” I told him. He looked at me at this point, and although my heart broke a little inside, I just giggled. “Well, you’d see if she is single because lonely girls go to weddings for the cake!”

Sung Gyu seemed to brighten up by this, and he laughed. “A message and cake” He said, urgency in his voice, as if he was trying to imprint that thought into his mind.

“Yes!” I nodded, painfully aware of the way the words strained in my throat. “Works every time!”

“Sung Gyu!” A voice called from behind us, and we both turned around to see one of his cousins beckoning him towards them. It was time for the end ceremony and Sung Gyu’s speech, I guess. Although there was a massive white piano being pushed up onto the stage for some unknown reason.

“Coming!” he called back and turned to face me. “Okay so a message and a cake” He repeated.

“Message and a cake” I retaliated myself. I couldn’t say I felt exactly great at that moment. There was a lump forming in my throat that I couldn’t possibly swallow, and every time I caught that strange shine in his eyes, my heart constricted. It looked like a sure sign of him soon fading away.

“Okay got it, and thanks!” he climbed up on his feet. “And guess we got to go Saera, its starting”

I nodded stiffly, feeling like a part of me was about to die. I climbed up on my feet myself. I wobbled a little, my feet quite stiff after having remained seated for too long. Across the hall, I could see Woohyun, his hands wrapped around Yoonmi’s shoulder, just like he used to hold me, whispering sweet nothings into her ear. For a moment, my world started to spin. Everything that I had lost, everything that I was about to...

“Saera, are you okay?” Sung Gyu asked me, and when I looked at him, I felt my heart burst open. Soon he would be going away too, wrapping his arms around a mysterious girl and kissing into her hair, breathing in her expensive fruity shampoo’s scent and feel her glossy skin with his lips. I felt an outrageous wave of sadness coursing through me. I could have cried. But then, I had to be stronger than that.

“Of course!” I replied, trying to brighten up, and the hand he had laid on my arm to straighten me soon retreated. He peered at me, as if to make sure, and I smiled, stepping towards him.

“Right, yes, we should go”

“Right after you, lady” Sung Gyu replied mock-politely, gesturing at the way before him. I walked on, painfully aware of his presence behind me and counting away the last few minutes during which that I had Sung Gyu for myself.

 

The Piano was for him. I should have known, honestly. I should have known he was just about to sweep everyone off their feet.

Another thing about Sung Gyu which, perhaps, had everyone falling for him was his beautiful musical capabilities. Sung Gyu was what you’d call an entire package. He could sing, he could play, he could drag the entire audience to himself, become the centre of attention so effortlessly and deliver all his innermost emotions in a way that would have the entire audience transfixed to him. He could take everyone away to a different universe, Sun Gyu could. And today, at this very moment, that’s what I was afraid of the most. I felt incredibly vulnerable right now, like a pod about to burst. One prick on my skin, I would wither; and I knew all too well what effect Sung Gyu would have on me.

Let me be honest here. There had been a time, when I was all too young to do anything about it, that I used to be in love with him. I must have been around sixteen at that time, and Sung Gyu two years older. We went to the same school, Sung Gyu and I. I had just begun high school and he was in his final year. He used to have this silly little high school band. That was where his musical career started. Despite being extremely bright in just about every subject at school, he had this massive dream of pursuing music, and nobody stopped him; it was his best suite. So just like I said, he started a band. They called it  _Oasis_ , didn’t even know what on earth that meant, and he was the main vocalist. I initially thought it was going to be one of those rock bands with boys screaming on to top of their lungs until their voices broke. I was rather reluctant to see them perform even after he invited me million times. After much of his persuasions, after he promised to take me to this new restaurant that opened recently (He used to lure me with food, and I liked to get lured with food as well, like an animal) I agreed. They usually performed in the school auditorium after school; they had that privilege as they pretended to be the school music club and all the five boys in the band used perform very well in every other subject at school. And of course, the girls were crazy about them; so, it was all good. I went to the school auditorium that day, Sung Gyu made me sit in the very front row, right in front of him so that he could make faces at me and embarrass me from the very moment he started, then I waited quietly watching him taking place behind the mic.

Sung Gyu sang Jason Mraz’s  _“I won’t give up”,_  his eyes bearing deep into mine, his voice going right into my heart, hiding in a corner to never return. He was so beautiful at that moment; his fingers on the guitar strings, the silver ring glimmering in the afternoon sun, his eyes closed, opening only to look right into mine. I didn’t know what he was trying to tell me, and frankly I couldn’t remember. All I know was that something shifted inside me, something broke; sparks burst out in the back of my eyes, and suddenly I was not seeing him as my best friend anymore. I was in love.

Things had changed since then. He never knew what happened that day and I had kept it deep in my heart for so long; the only secret that I had never let out on him. But every time that I’d see him singing before me, something just snapped, just like it did that day so many years ago. I would soon be transported back to that moment; when all felt so different, beautiful and real. No words existed to explain how painful that felt; to know that you loved someone so deeply to the point you were afraid to acknowledge it lest you lost them.

That’s what it was, really. Perhaps I loved him. Perhaps I loved him too much that even the thought of losing him would kill me. And so, I remained in my comfort zone, being the best friends that we’ve always been and the pain that love had brought me eternally hidden deep within my heart.

But that, of course, would resurface every time I’d hear him sing, and nothing would matter anymore.

That day, sitting behind the immaculate grand piano, a gentle blue light falling upon him, Sung Gyu was beautiful as he sang away. His words, his voice was transporting me years back into a forgotten past. It was Ed Sheeran’s  _‘Perfect_ ’, a song so hauntingly befitting to the moment that we were in, as if he’d known already what turns this moment would bring. I sat in the front, right alongside his parents and mine, who had known each other their entire lives, what had brought Sung Gyu into my life. To where I sat, I could see him so clearly; every emotion he inflicted, every thought that his voice carried. I could see his slender fingers moving along the keys, a slow gentle dance, so impeccable and precise. And most importantly, I could see his eyes; mostly closed, his long lashes resting on the apples of his cheeks. But just like he’d done so many years ago in that over crowded school auditorium, a guitar in his arms. Every time he opened his eyes, they’d quietly bear into mine; as if he was trying to communicate a message, so quiet and so precious, that I was afraid to grasp. I didn’t realise it in the beginning, I guess. Sung Gyu had always been there as strong and constant as the stars. He was a part of me, connected in a manner that I couldn’t tell apart what was platonic and love. Tonight, however, things had most definitely started to shift in time; I was seeing possibilities as definite and precise than they had ever been, and it was painful; because just as I was realising it, I was already losing my grip. A girl had already stolen his heart; a girl that wasn’t me.

My vision had blurred, as if I was seeing Sung Gyu as he sang from under water. It was only then that I realised it; there was a fine sheen of tears in my eyes. How badly I was going to miss him? He would be there, he would always be there. But I had changed, my feelings had changed, and as I gazed at him and hoped if everything could turn around; our present, past and future would slowly begin to fade away. I was probably being too emotional, perhaps. I was just healing from a bad break up after all. But then I’d think of Yoonmi’s words, the way Woohyun had looked at me, how I’d become insignificant in his life and how Yoonmi had perceived things in a manner that I had never imagined. I thought of Sung Gyu, the way his face reddened and the look in his eyes changed at the thought of her. Who is she anyway?

With a pang, I came to a sudden realization. As much as I’d be happy for Sung Gyu finally finding the one, I wasn’t ready to share him with anyone. I knew that it was a selfish thing to wish for, but Sung Gyu was mine; he had always been from the very beginning, and some mysterious girl that I had never known couldn’t suddenly come into my life and take him away. I would go into any length to keep him for myself. It was cruel, it was wrong. But I wanted him. I regretted that I realised too late. But I wanted him, to be mine and for myself to be his; whatever we had going on to be different, to be stronger. I wanted us to be in love.

It took me a split of a second to realise that the song was slowly coming to the end. I was hypnotised the entire time; completely engrossed in the world that his voice seemed to create. That’s the kind of effect that his music had on anyone. The hall was quiet the whole time, except for the piano and his voice, as if the entire congregation had fallen into a trance. I bet they were falling in love with him as well, I bet the girl that he liked was having dreams about him somewhere deep in her heart. I was watching him, I was still watching him, noticing the way the blue and white light fell on the grand piano and his slightly golden skin. His hair had ripples of colours, eyes shining like clusters of stars. When he looked at me, a disarming smile donning his lips, a rush of heat coursed right through me. I knew it probably didn’t mean anything. He smiled at me the way he did every single day, and I had never felt the way I did right now, never realised just how beautiful that made him appear, I never realised that he could make me feel this way.

I climbed up on my feet. He looked baffled, even as the song came to an end. He pressed and carried out the final keys of the song, but the entire time, he had his eyes on me. But I couldn’t bear it any longer. I felt like he was seeing right through me, seeing everything that I felt, raw and unfamiliar, and it scared me. I didn’t want him to see, know and realise, as much as I wanted him to love me. I didn’t want him to change his mind. I thought of Woohyun, the love that faded away.

No, I couldn’t allow the things to change. They must go on as how they always have. Sung Gyu must confess to the girl who now had his heart and I...I shouldn’t let the sight of us disappear.

And that’s why I left the hall at that moment. I couldn’t bring myself to face him yet. In a while, maybe; but not while these feelings were so fresh and raw like a wound. I felt so many eyes on me as I passed by, the cheers of the crowd as Sung Gyu climbed off the patio blurred around me. My world was spinning, even as I exited the hall and came to the vast hallway. And then I walked on endlessly, passing unsuspecting patrons, couples’ hand in hand. Finally, I walked into the ladies’ washroom and hid myself inside a cubicle, my hands pressed to my face, trembling, as I pushed the door close behind me.

Thank god that I wore waterproof make up otherwise I would have been an absolute mess. I wasn’t sure how long I was there; perhaps not too long, but long enough to find my composure again. As I hid from the world, I considered all the possibilities. I could swear my life had come to a standstill at that point, so many crossroads on the path before me and the choice I made would decide everything.

In the end, I realised, it was all in the heat of the moment. Like I said, I was right after a terrible breakup and there would never be enough time to heal. Perhaps, I was searching for the next boat to jump into, to find love and solace in the next possible option I had, and that was him. I couldn’t possibly do that to Sung Gyu. I just couldn’t. Sung Gyu was not a second option. He had never been. And so, with the decision to never let anything change between us, I exited the ladies, traversed my way across the vast hallway and back into the wedding reception. Nothing much had changed since I left, and neither should I. I would apologise to Sung Gyu for suddenly leaving. I could tell that I was unexpectedly emotional, he would understand. It was Kim Sung Gyu. He would understand me any day.

When I returned to the table, however, I couldn’t find him there. I looked around myself in an attempt to locate him. It was the end of the ceremony and people have already started to disperse. Perhaps he was out there, greeting the guests who had begun to leave.

Slightly dejected, I fell back into my chair. Whatever that I had to tell him had to wait. He might have even gone to meet that girl of his; which was fine as well, really. I was in no place to intervene and... after all, I wanted him to be happy.

While I waited, I picked up my phone and distractedly scrolled through. Not a single message, of course. Not a single bit of communication, my life so empty and dull as it had always been. I wondered if I was going to be one of those people, who lived alone and died single and people only found out that they had died when they smelled rotten human across the hallway. A disturbing mental image really. I was quite sure that was not going to happen but the thought itself was painful for me.

A few minutes later then, a waiter approached me, a massive slice of almond and rose cake on a plate and he quietly placed it on the table before me.

I looked at him, confused. Everyone has started leaving now, and nobody else was seemingly getting any cake.  _What on earth-?_

I turned to the waiter. “Excuse me but I didn’t-,”

Before I could even word out my question, the waiter ignored me and slowly placed a folded lavender card on the table beside the cake. For a moment, my heart stopped, time slowly vanishing along with everything and everyone around me. I looked up at the waiter who just smiled with a nod and went on his way. For the next few minutes, I just sat there, frozen. My own voice started to echo in my brain.

_Try giving her a piece of cake and a message. She’d like it’_

_Try giving her a piece of cake and a message_

_A piece of cake and a message_

That’s exactly what which lied on my table right now. A piece of almond and rose cake...and a message in a folded lavender card.

Oh my god.

With my hands trembling, my heart constricted, I reached for the card before me. It felt soft against my fingers, a slight emboss on it that I could feel on my skin. But I couldn’t dare open it, as if it would solidify everything that I had now imagined in my mind.  _It couldn’t be...? Possibly? It couldn’t be...?_

I couldn’t read the letter just yet. I just didn’t have the heart to. I was afraid, as if everything that I had known and understood until then had made no sense at all. I dropped the message back onto the table like it scalded me and reached for the cake instead. Then I had a spoonful of frosting, the nutty sweetness overpowering the slight buzz in my brain. The rose induced in the cake was a little sour, which made it all the better. For that moment, nothing felt better. I had a mouthful of cake, and then another, and another. Then I looked around myself, searching for a pair of almond eyes looking into mine, the familiar beam that I could recognise from miles away. He wasn’t in sight. Of course, he wouldn’t be. He would never do something like this.

Maybe he was asking for a friend.

Frustrated, I reached for the card, ignoring the tremble in my hands. It was now or never. I had to open that card anyway. I picked it up, opened it slowly as I would a treasure, and there it was; the familiar mess of carbon and a few lines I could vaguely make out as letters. I wanted to laugh, but there was a thick knot forming inside my throat.

_‘I hope I stole your heart instead of the show  
Meet me outside by the fountain._

_I’ll be waiting’_

_~SG~_


	4. Chapter 4

_‘I hope I stole your heart instead of the show  
Meet me outside by the fountain._

_I’ll be waiting’_

_~SG~_

Here he was, the man I had thought was so unromantic, writing a message for me with a cake.

I couldn’t move still, because it wasn’t an easy task; believing this. The truth was, though, I felt like this was all a ploy, a way of him just comforting me, knowing that I wanted a diversion, and it was his way of giving me just that. I’ve known Kim Sung Gyu for a good part of like, twenty years of my life, and the entire time that I had known him, he’d never pulled a stunt like this. But he sure as hell knew that I liked this stuff; the well-planned confessions, the excitement that they bring. I couldn’t move, I couldn’t bring myself to, as I was afraid of what it could really be. I didn’t know what his intentions were. He was probably out there waiting for me, and as soon as I went, he’d climb up on his feet in sheer excitement, squeak in his usually adorable way and pull me into his embrace. As I died in his arms, he would mutter in my ears that I was his best friend, that I shouldn’t be sad, the same and the same things he’d told me myriad times. Its not that I particularly hated it but...

I shouldn’t have expectations, that’s what it was. It wasn’t the first time he had done something like this. That one time he made me sit in the front as I watched him sing in the band for the first time, and at the year end talent show when he sang ‘Lucky’ and had the entire school speculating while he was teasing me behind the scenes, taking it as light as snow. Sung Gyu was not committed. He didn’t do love, he didn’t to romance, he didn’t do relationships; that much I knew. And he knew that I knew it too, he knew that I acknowledged his shortcomings and still cared for him dearly.

But then again...when he’d talked about this girl, he looked so...different. I still couldn’t get that image out of my head, like it was imprinted in me. The glassy look in his eyes, the way his ears turned crimson, the way his fists were clenched, how he wouldn’t meet my eyes.

_‘You’d know,_

_You’ll see’_  was all he told me about her, and he wouldn’t even look at me...

Then Yoonmi’s words echoed in my head like a constant reminder;  _‘It doesn’t mean that things couldn’t change’_

Then could it be...??

No _. No..._  I shook my head, hit on my temple and told myself  _Saera stop it, stop imagining things!_

Oh god. I could swear I had stopped breathing, and I wouldn’t, if I didn’t get to know the truth. I had to find out,  _I had to_. And there was no other way unless I...

...unless I went to see him.

 

It took me a while to gather my courage. The hall was almost empty when I finally climbed up on my feet. Sung Gyu’s parents were in the back, talking to my own and upon seeing me across the hall, they gave me a gentle smile. I might be imagining things, but it looked almost as if they knew too...

I exited the hall and then traversed the hallway, acutely aware of every step I made. I was getting closer and closer. I was excited but terrified just the same. Chances were that I could have gotten it all wrong. Perhaps he wanted to have it delivered to a different girl and the waiter got it all wrong. Perhaps the girl rejected it so the Sung Gyu had it presented to the next possible person. He could do that to me and easily get away; I wouldn’t mind, and he knew this too. But that’s fine. I would be mad, but I’d forgive him, time and time again.

Outside, I could see the fountain just in front of me. It was massive, the water spraying at just about anyone standing in the vicinity. It was cold outside, and a cherry tree nearby had shedded its blossoms all around, pink and white floating gently in the breeze. The sun seeping through the fountain had formed a rainbow; and through that, I searched for the familiar figure which held my heart.

He wasn’t there, I realised with a pang, once I had looked and looked but hadn’t caught the sight of him. Of course, he wouldn’t be there, what was I thinking? He was playing with me, or the waiter had gotten it all wrong. It was why I shouldn’t have gotten my hopes up.

Dejected, I turned to leave, my hands fisted on the either sides. But then...

That was the moment that I saw it. I saw  _him_. Sung Gyu was sitting on a bench further away from the sprays of the fountain, a lone figure in the face of uncertainty. He was hunched forward, like all hopes were lost, arms resting on his knees, hands fiddling with one another; the striking image of a man nervous and terrified of his wishes and dreams. To where I stood, he looked so small, so vulnerable, like someone would snatch him away any moment now. My heart had constricted, and I could hardly breath.  _‘Thing could change’_  Yoonmi was telling me in the back of my mind.  _‘Things could change’_.

I stepped towards him slowly, every step I made making me stronger, bolder. He hadn’t seen me. He still hadn’t. It appeared as if he himself had given up on it, just like I had before. I had taken so long, and he must have been sitting here for hours, waiting for me to emerge through these doors. I approached him, closer and even closer until the brown in his hair was so prominent in the afternoon sun. I could see how the warm spring rays made his skin glow, how his hair danced gently in the breeze. There were cherry blossoms scattered all around him, some of it in his hair that I was so inclined to brush away. But I didn’t. I could hardly even move. I stayed there, frozen and quiet, and finally, with the card he’d sent clutched hard in my hands, I called his name.

“Sung Gyu”

His hands halted, I noted, and he slowly raised his head, gazing up at me appearing so surprised as if he hadn’t expected me at all. For a moment, it was just him and me; us just staring at each other as if we were seeing ourselves for the first time. I realised, in the heat of that moment, that his eyes appeared very, very brown; like little pools of amber I would perhaps drown and lose myself in.

“What took you so long?” He asked, sighing, and I noted the sound of relief in his tone. He must have been so tensed and scared the entire time, just like I was before, imagining that I wouldn’t come. But still...I couldn’t get my head around it.  _How was it possible? How was it possible that he...? And I...?_  I couldn’t understand.

“Did you...” I swallowed. “Did you wait for long?”

His gaze, warm and mesmerizing, fell into mine; and I felt a little part of me dying inside. “It’s okay...” He bit the corner of his bottom lip and smiled. “It’s fine, since you’re here now...”

Then, making my heart stop for an instance, Sung Gyu turned back to the bench he was sitting in. I wasn’t sure what he was doing for that moment, only except that he had crouched down and was searching for something behind the bench. He made a little sound of frustration, which almost made me laugh. And soon, he pulled out a beautiful bunch of red roses and baby’s breath. A bunch of flowers for me.

_For me._

He turned back to face me, awkwardly holding the flowers in both his hands. He looked so stiff, like it was the last thing he wanted to be doing, he was  _so_  bad at it that I laughed.

“What’s going on, I don’t understand” I told him in the end. It was true. I don’t understand. All this time he’d been telling me again and again that someone better would be coming around the corner, and I hadn’t seen even a sign of it quite possibly being him. Had I been oblivious to it all this time or was I still getting it all wrong?

He held the roses out to me. “I... I imagined it’s obvious enough?”

“Yeah, I mean, No... I....” I stuttered. “How is that  _possible?_  I mean, you...you told me...besides,  _oh god_  you’ve done things like this so many times! How am I supposed to? I don’t know, it’s like...? It’s just a bit...? This is really strange and I-?”

I was going on and on without making any sense, my brain in a muddle and heart picking up the pieces. But I couldn’t go on any further. Sung Gyu just groaned loudly in response as if he couldn’t take it anymore, and suddenly reached for my hand. He pulled me towards him, and as I stumbled right into his arms, he engulfed me in his warm embrace. He placed a hand on the side of my face, cold and gentle against my skin, and his eyes warm and hopeful, fell into mine.

“Saera, are you ever going to stop talking?” He muttered lowly, almost a whisper, and all before I could even form a coherent response, he moved closer and pressed his lips onto mine.

That, I suppose, answered all the qualms that had ghosted in my mind. I could feel him in every inch of me, dragging me all the way back to twenty years of our past. Him twelve years old, and me just ten; coming across each other for the very first time. Us sitting on a park bench, small and awkward, oblivious of the years of a beautiful future ahead. His lips were soft, and he tasted sweet like almond and sugar, and his hand, still holding the flowers had pressed onto my back, the crisp tissue of the bouquet brushing against my bare skin. He moved away after a moment, the touch of his lips still lingering on mine like a beckoning. All my fears had washed away; and for that moment, I revelled in his gentle embrace.

I buried my face in his chest as he held me close and breathed in the sweet citrusy scent that I had always known. Suddenly it felt like home to me.

“Saera, hey” He lifted my face to him with his fingers beneath my chin. When his gaze searched in mine, I felt my eyes warming up, as if I had waited for this moment for so long.

“Saera...are you okay?”

I shook my head, feeling tearful and inexplicably content; a mixture of emotions that I couldn’t possibly explain.

“What’s going on? I don’t understand...” I whispered, making him smile.

“I’m confessing to you” He worded it out to me. “I’m confessing to you, Saera”

I remained quiet, everything around me blurring and disappearing into oblivion until all I could see, hear and feel was him. “But why?” I went on, feeling like a fool.

Sung Gyu laughed, and then dragged his knuckles softly down my cheek. “Why do you think?”

I shook my head. What if he thought it was funny? To entice me? To bring my hopes up? To ruin what we’d had going on for so long? But then I looked into Sung Gyu’s eyes, witnessed the utter sincerity mirrored inside them and realised how wrong I had been all along. It’s  _Sung Gyu_ , the man that I had trusted, loved and cherished for the longest time in my life. He would never do that to me, he would never hurt me that way. As I gazed at him, the twenty years of our past flashed right through my mind, the past that had brought us here, to this moment right now.

“I like you, Saera...” He mumbled softly, his eyes never leaving mine and tilted his head, mulling over what he’d just said. “No... no... wait, we’ve already established that” He laughed softly to himself then, making me laugh along with him. Then he sighed, his fingers dancing gently on my back. “I love you. There is no better way to put it, Saera. That’s what it has always been. I’m in love with you”

“Always?” I echoed, suddenly everything came to a standstill _. Always?_

He nodded, biting his lower lip. “Since twelfth grade, I think, when you first started high school”

I remembered us still in high school. My hair cropped short after that unfortunate incident with the hair iron, and Sung Gyu an adorable little thing with fluffy cheeks and the nicest long legs. I had no idea back then. No idea at all.

“T-that...long?”

“Mmhm” He nodded as he slowly took my hand, and he passed the bunch of roses into mine. Its sweet scent wafted in the air between us. “I’ve waited...for so long”

“And this whole time...?” I started, a thick knot forming in my throat, understanding the gravity of what I was getting at.

“I was trying to tell you” He replied.

I gazed down at the flowers in my hand, slightly blossomed red roses and baby’s breath in odd places, just the way I’d have liked it. Sung Gyu knew me better than anyone ever did; and with a pang, I realised, being with Sung Gyu was the only way that everything made sense.

“I never knew...”

He chuckled. “You’re so difficult, you’re the most clueless thing that I’ve ever met”

I looked up, pouting my lips and he tapped a finger onto my nose. “Still I love you for that”

“You should have told me” I continued.

“I tried to” He sighed; his eyes fixated into mine. “Remember that time when I invited you to see Oasis play and we did Jason Mraz?”

I widened my eyes, my hands tightening around the bouquet. “You mean when you made me sit right up in the front and-,”

“I was going to confess to you” He replied, graveness in his tone. “But you, of course-,” He pouted his lips.

A sudden image of me sitting up in the front and making faces at him towards the end of his performance flashed through my mind. Then I had climbed up on my feet and told him that his singing gave me a headache; he didn’t talk to me the entire day and we made up that evening because I ordered pizza and he wanted to share with me. I was trying to preserve myself that day, since I’d realised only then that I was in love with him. The fear that I would lose him had held me back, completely oblivious to what he had felt for me.

Today, however, a distant memory that remained vaguely in my mind made me giggle. He laughed with me, a surprisingly pleasant sound echoing in my ears. And then I thought of the truth about that day, what I’d hidden away in a corner of my heart from that stuffy school auditorium and his performance that stayed with me for so long, vivid as ever. After all, I had nothing to lose, because I knew that, as it had always been, Sung Gyu was a constant in my life.

“To be honest...” I muttered, looking at him through my lashes, feeling suddenly self-conscious. I felt his hand on my back, slowly rubbing circles onto my skin. “To be honest, Sung Gyu, that day...in the school auditorium, I too realised that I....I liked you”

It was such a pleasant sight, watching the realisation dawn on him, and seeing how his face changed. His eyes widened, his fingers pressing onto my back. He made a small sound of surprise, one that I was so accustomed to, and then he laughed. “That day? During the performance?” He went on, in his voice underlying was his absolute befuddlement.

“Yeah it was not my fault that you look ridiculously good when you sing” I replied, not stopping myself once, no barriers on my words. Today, I was going to be honest with him, as open and clear as glass. Everything I had felt for him, everything I’d known, he would know them tonight; I’d let him make his decision later, whether to pursue me, whether to take different directions. What was certain, however, was that he was never going to leave me. Not like that. Kim Sung Gyu never would.

He smiled, and the dazed look in his eyes most definitely shifted something strong inside me. “Is that...how you thought of me?”

“ _Think_  of you” I corrected him. “Every single day”

“Saera...” He addressed me gravely, bringing me closer against him. “This is ridiculous. Have we been going in circles while we both...?”

“Like each other?” I filled in for him, and as it struck to me, how outrages that it seemed now, I couldn’t help myself stifling a giggle. That was  _so_  like us, going around in circles for years. But then, we had our own reasons, we both did. I didn’t think it’s the right time to dwell on them now. We’ve found each other now, and that’s what which mattered the most. Sung Gyu joined in giggling himself, and I gazed up at him, this man that I had been in love with all along. Funny how life worked, really. We’d go around and round, searching for the person we belonged with like puzzle pieces, taking too long to realise that it was right where we felt like home.

And that was what Kim Sung Gyu for me. He felt like home. It had its own perks, being with him; but same went with being with me too. What I lacked, he filled in for me, just like how I filled in for what he didn’t seem to have. We completed each other, we drew our painting together, we sang our own song. I didn’t regret that we took so long to acknowledge the truth to one another. Between spontaneous lovers and despairing heartbreaks, we’d grown up, we’d come closer and closer, every painful memory becoming one step forward to one another. Thanks to all of that, we stood here now, together, hand in hand. I had no regrets, none at all.

We laughed, and we allowed it to fade into the rose-scented air between us. His eyes, searching for the lost pieces of him within mine, never moved away as I felt myself disappearing in his own. For that moment, I realised, we were connected, we were in element, we were one person, Sung gyu and I. I didn’t hesitate at that time, to be the one moving in first. With my hand still holding on to the flowers, I threw a hand around Sung Gyu’s neck, tiptoed to reach his height; then slowly but surely, pressed my lips against the soft, warm ones of his own. I kissed him, I finally gathered all of me and kissed him, in hopes that everything that I had failed to tell him in words will be conveyed in that simple touch. He didn’t take long to respond to me, in the same intensity and might. His arms wrapped around my waist, bringing us closer, him almost lifting me off my feet. I felt the drizzle of the fountain on my skin, the warm rays of sun over my closed eyes. I pictured the two of us, lost in our own world, shadowed by the rainbow of the fountain and cherry blossoms scattered by our feet. Quite a sight, it must be; two lovers finally coming together. It would be a sight that I’d be striving to see.

 

Truthfully, I couldn’t believe that I had concluded Sung Gyu to be unromantic. If I’d look back at the day, all that he’d been throughout was the complete opposite of my expectations. That afternoon, after we’d pulled away from each other from a blissful kiss, I realised that we were in the public; we could have gotten ourselves arrested. I had to tell him that, and we’d laughed. And then he told me that he had a surprise.

He brought me to a hotel; a completely unexpected turn of events. It was an expensive one, the sort of hotels that we’d only see in magazines, where only the celebrities would spend a night in. As I gazed at him, completely mystified, he held my hand and led us to the reception. ‘We have a booking’ He informed the reception, and soon there was an unexpectedly grandiose key dangling in his hand.

He’d booked us a suite. A massive, expensive suite. It was on the top most floor, overlooking the entire town, making everything look as little as match boxes. He knew that I liked surprises; that was the best part. He knew that I liked well planned confessions and unexpected surprises. And he most definitely knew that I had dreamed of a nice, cosy night spent in a ridiculously expensive room.

At the moment, it was there that I was standing, gazing out at the vast city beyond me as it slowly sank into dusk. The streets were gradually lightening up as the sky turned lavender, the sun disappearing into the horizon. It was becoming colder; there was a slight mist in my breath and gooseflesh forming on my skin. But I was happy, inexplicably so. As I watched the city slowly coming to a rest, I was coming alive. It was as if a new sun had raised in my life. Beside me, he stood looking as beautiful as ever, the evening sun in his eyes.

When Sung Gyu’s hand reached towards mine, it was I who moved and grasped it tight. It had been like this for a while; Sung Gyu quietly questioned; with his actions, with his eyes, and I granted. He moved closer to me, and I let him engulf me in his warmth. We still kept our friendly boundaries before testing further. The transition was slow and terrifying. After all, we’d been best friends for the longest time. And so, when I beckoned him to hold me from behind, he was a little perplexed. When I held his hand against my waist, he didn’t know what to do with himself.

“Are you worried?” I asked him at one point, and he’d looked at me as if I’d spoken in volumes. It was all new to us, to both of us. I was easing it into him in the same pace that he did for me.

Sung Gyu laughed a little awkwardly, but still he grasped my hand. “It’s still you, Saera”

I nodded, biting my lower lip. “Not much have changed” I told him as I turned around and ran a hand gently up the curve of his neck. “But things definitely have” Then I pressed a chaste kiss upon his lips. He trapped me against him and caught my lips between his teeth. I giggled, but then it morphed into silence before he gently pulled away from me. Then he ran a hand along my skin; caressing my cheek, down the curve of my neck.

“I’ve always wanted this” He told me as my fingers reached for his tie. I smiled at him, my breath a little shortened, and my heart in my throat. What was coursing through my veins, hot, rushed and exhilarated, I realised, was an excitement that I had never felt before.

“Then kiss me again” I told him.

And he did just that.

When his lips moved against mine, pried me open, and me letting him, when the tips of his cold fingers played a gentle dance across my skin, I realised, we were slowly transitioning from one phase to the other. We tested our boundaries, stretched the strings which held us apart until they snapped and dissolved to nothing at all. We shifted further and further from where our dynamics have worked, and the fine line between best friends and lovers had most definitely disappeared. He kissed my lips, searched deep within me, and his hands moved down to places that had long before been unchartered under unspoken words. He was braver, bolder, and so was I, completely aware of the direction that we’d take. I closed my eyes as his lips snaked down my neck, his face burying in the curve of my shoulder, and his hand descending on my back, leaving behind delicious trail. My fingers clutched onto the dark waves on the back of his head at the sheer pleasure he was giving me, and the desire I had for him expanded in multitudes.

It was definite, by the time he propelled me backwards across the room. I was acutely aware of where we stood in time. It didn’t matter; the way the sky turned from evening to dusk, the way the city died and came alive. It didn’t matter that our skin ran cold in the chilled spring breeze, the curtains dancing a slow tune lining the balcony windows. He stopped right as we’d reached the bed, its soft cotton lining at the back of my knees, his fingers hovering uncertainly on my back. In his eyes floated a question; and when I failed to understand him, he breathed huskily against my lips; “I want you”

Something shifted inside me and it burst apart; a hot white rush coursing through every inch of me, every single nerve ending painfully alert of every movement, every breath. I desired him, I desired his warm lips on my skin, his touch in places he’d never before reached. “Please” was all I could say before my fingers felt his warm skin.  _“Please...”_

That, I suppose, was all the impulsion he needed. He kissed me again, in a way that times changed, and continents drifted without even us realising it. He lifted me off my feet, and I allowed him to. He laid me down in the cloudy soft covers, and I held onto him, daring him to let go. My dress slipped off my shoulders, my fingers fumbled on his belt. And as he kissed me again, I hummed into his breath, a carnal desire that I'd never before known to exist had overtaken me.

He took my breath away. There was no better way to explain. As the cold wind rushed past us, as the gentle lights from the city seeped inside from the open windows, he showed me; he showed me how our love could play the same tune, again and again, on the gentle strings of our hearts.


	5. Chapter 5

It had started raining; and as I sat in the plush sofa seat, my feet laying across the arm rest, I watched Sung Gyu struggling to close the windows against the drizzle. He was in a bathrobe, but the wind was so harsh that it flapped against him, exposing a little more than I desired. He was beautiful, really. With the heat of his touch still lingering on my skin, I recalled the past couple of minutes in my mind. His fingers, his lips, his breath in my ears, gentle and raspy as he dragged me to the ultimate moment of pleasure that I’d never felt before.

“Looking at your face, I can tell you’re thinking about something very naughty” Sung Gyu’s voice suddenly floated into my mind, and I looked up to see that he had finally closed down the windows and was now gazing at me, fixing his robe.

I smiled. “Are you going to  _do_  naughty things to me?”

“Do you want me to?” He raised his brows challengingly, and my cheeks heated up.  _God_ , I would have wanted him to; very much so. I couldn’t seem to get him out of my mind. But then again, we had plenty of time for that. But right now, I wanted to cuddle; and we had so many things to talk about.

So instead, I opened up my arms to him, and he smiled this softest baby smile that a part of me literally died inside. He approached me in lazy steps, and I made room for him in the sofa. He fell in beside me; I threw my arms around his neck and he buried his face in my shoulder, his damp hair brushing against my skin.

“Mm, did I tell you that you smell fantastic?” He mumbled against my skin; his lips brushed my shoulder making me shudder. But no, I had to focus. It was important.

“Hm? You do too, yourself” I breathed in the sweet lavender scent of his hair. “But you know what we’re going to do now?”

He lifted his head, and by the way that he looked at me, I could imagine what he was going to say. “Naughty things?”

“God, you’re ridiculous” I rolled my eyes and moved away from him. “No, we’re going to talk”

“Talk?” He perked up. “What about?”

“I don’t know...” I tilted my head thoughtfully. I thought about everything he’d told me that afternoon, with the drizzle of the fountain on my skin, my heart beating in a rhythm so new that I couldn’t recognise; and his words...nobody has ever...

“Tell me nice things” I told him, my fingers tracing unknown patterns on his skin. “lots of nice things”

He laughed; a surprisingly pleasant sound echoing in the quietness of the suite. “Well, the only nice thing I can think of right now is something very, very nasty, so I’ll pass”

I pouted down at him.

“Okay, okay” He sighed and moved away. I gazed at me for a long moment then, his eyes tracing me as if he was trying to create an image of me in his mind. After a while, he moved closer and pulled me into his arms. “I love you” He told me and let out a deep sigh. There was silence for a long moment, during which I revelled in his warmth. With my ear pressed against the base of his shoulder, I could hear the beating of his heart; gentle but uneven. It was a lullaby for me. I closed my eyes and held onto him, hard.

“And I was scared...” he added, his voice so small and uncertain. It was at that moment that I pulled away from him; concerned.

“What...what about?”

He smiled at me, a sad, sorrowful little curve that clenched my heart. “I was so scared that I would lose you”

Something snapped inside me, just like that, and I could feel that pain coursing right through me; something painfully familiar. I realised; he’d had the same fear as I.

“Sung Gyu...” I reached for his hand, and he grasped mine, gazing down at it as he held it so close.

“You know how bad I’m at this...” He chuckled mournfully and met my eye. “I tried to tell you so many times, but still I didn’t know how. I knew...I knew exactly what you were looking for, but it just wasn’t enough...I didn’t know if I could ever be enough for you...and I thought...” He sighed. “I thought I’d lose you to someone better”

“But why?” my words escaped before I could halt and question them.

Sung Gyu met my eyes. “Because...I don’t know, Saera, I tried so many times and I was so bad at it and you just...” he shrugged. “You just didn’t...seem to realise it”

I opened my mouth to speak, but I had no words to respond with. In the quietness of that strange rainy night, so many memories of our past came rushing back to me; and soon I was connecting the dots, as if they were all individual little stories and events which led me here, to this moment, and I had never known. I had never realised it.

“Do you remember that time at the year-end talent show?” He went on, a glassy sheen in his eyes as he recalled a forgotten past. “When we sang-,”

“Lucky” I completed for him, and he nodded. “Yeah that...” He mumbled, and then started singing the chorus of the song. His voice so close, reverberating in the air around me and dragging me back into more than ten years of our past. I joined in with him, my voice raspy and breaking at the odd places. I wasn’t any good at singing as he was; and Sung Gyu had, myriad times, tried to help me. But then one day he said that one needed to be good at just one thing in life and didn’t try anymore. What he thought I was good at, to this day, was a mystery. We both laughed as we reached the end of the chorus as my voice broke. “You sound terrible” He said, laughing, and when I pouted, he pulled me close and kissed me on my head. And then a long moment of quietness ensued.

“Remember how the entire school speculated and you just...?” I reminded him after a while. His face turned red, an embarrassed smile on his lips. “I was...horrified. Like I said, I’m just so bad at these things”

He just laughed it off. That’s what he did back then. And then I remember him telling me in front of everyone, shrugging it off like it was nothing; ‘I’d be the last person to like you’, completely denying the claim. I didn’t mind it either; we both didn’t acknowledge that. But it would be a lie to say that the speculation ended right there. We had still heard the rumours and stories here and there; apparently even the teachers rooted for us. They all thought we’d go to college together. But he went to arts school while I went on to study Languages. I bet we broke a couple of hearts back then.

“But I really wanted to” He added, bit his lip and met my eyes. “I wanted to tell you. But I was just...scared”

“Why?” I laughed, laying my head on his shoulder. “It’s just me!”

He smiled this one disarming smile of his, everything just froze inside me. “It’s  _because_  it’s you”

I went quiet at this, contemplating his words. Perhaps, we were both just scared and trying to preserve what we had. Perhaps, the only barrier that had kept us apart for the longest time was what we cherished, loved and protected the most. Our friendship. And I was right.

“Until tonight, that’s all I could think about” He started, his fingers unconsciously threading through my hair. “It’s a big decision, Saera, changing our arrangement completely; to go from best friends to...” He sighed. “So many things would change...the way we see, the way we speak, the way we...touch, it’s a big decision. One that I thought I’d never be ready for” He sighed, and I laid a hand on his chest, rubbing his warm skin. “But then it was even harder to watch you getting heart broken again and again. I hated myself for letting that happen to you, and I...”

“It wasn’t your fault” I reminded him.

“I know, but-,” He sighed again. “I just hated to see you not getting what you deserve, not a single soul seeing you for the brilliant creature that you are”

I put an arm around his neck, his gentle words imprinting themselves in my heart. “I’m not much...but you do...and only you”

“You’re not much, yes” he admitted. But when I looked up at him, he kissed me on my temple. “But for me, you’re everything”

I pulled him closer at that point and kissed him gently on his lips.

In the quietness that followed, I thought back to everyone I had thought I loved, everyone I thought to have loved me. All of a sudden, their words sounded empty for me. Woohyun complemented, yes, so many times. He loved it when I accompanied him to his events or dressed just the way he preferred. It was almost the same with everyone. I was beautiful when I knew I’ve made an effort; I was kind only when I’d actually and knowingly done something good that they preferred. But Sung Gyu, he always had something nice to say about me. He called me beautiful when he knew that I needed it the most; but not in the most obvious ways. Sung Gyu was unromantic. He was so bad at doing these things and had to make an extra effort for them. It must be difficult for him, really. But in the most subtle ways, he appreciated me, he complemented me, he made me feel special and beautiful in his own ways. It was I who had failed to realise that.

“I’m so happy” I told him then and buried my face in his shoulder. “So glad that you told me. So glad that you made that decision, so glad that we are here”

“I’m glad too...that things turned out this way” he muttered, sincere concern in his tone. “I thought it wouldn’t go just as well....” He turned to me then, and he slowly lifted my face with the tips of his fingers. “Saera I realise that its...” He hesitated and bit his lip. He was quiet, gazing at me. When I grasped his hand, he continued. “ I’m sorry... if it was too sudden, if I brought you into this too soon...”

I narrowed my eyes. “What are you talking about?”

“You know” he chuckled awkwardly. “Just in the morning we were just best friends...and all of a sudden we are...”

“But we’ve liked each other all along” I reminded him and gave him a smile. “And I’m okay...in fact I’m happy, I’m ecstatic!” I changed my voice just for the emphasis, that made him laugh.

“That’s more like it” He kissed me.

“And I’m sorry...for the mean things I’ve told you” I told him when he pulled away.

“Like when you called me ugly? That my singing made you feel sick?”

I pouted and nodded in return. “You don’t have to remind me” I told him as I drew patterns on his skin, not meeting his eyes. God, I was embarrassed, although I’d never meant anything I said. I must have sounded like a grumpy child, really. “You’re not ugly” I replied, hoping that it made things any different. “And I... I love your singing”

“I don’t mind, really” He chuckled and fixed my hair. “You can tell me anything...i don’t mind”

I smiled and ran my hands around his neck. It was a comfort, to be with him, in his embrace, his warmth on my skin, his breath in my ears. He felt like home; he was the only way that things made sense to me.

As I held onto him, he quietly caressed my back, soothing me, almost sending me to sleep. But I didn’t want to. I wanted this moment to last forever.

“Sung Gyu?” I called, and slowly raised my head.

“Hm?”

“We’re done talking. Can we go back to doing naughty things now?”

He made this little sound of surprise, which was so adorable, and I couldn’t help myself that I moved in and kissed him. He strengthened the kiss. He made it bolder, longer; he made it a little more. Soon, he had me laying underneath him, resting my head on his arm. When I looked up, I could see a delicious golden patch of his skin where the robe had moved away, and I felt the desire stirring alive once again inside me.

“You gorgeous old thing” He told me and smiled as I kissed the tip of his nose.

“You’re  _so_  bad at this” I reminded him.

He laughed softly, and I stared at him fondly as his eyes turned into crescent moons, his lips remaining in a precious smile. “And you’re so beautiful” I told him before I could stop myself.

He stopped laughing then, his expression perceptibly changed. First, he appeared embarrassed, smiling shily as he looked away from me. Then I took his face in both my hands and kissed him, stronger, trying to convey everything I felt about him that I couldn’t possibly put into words. When I pulled away, he just looked mesmerised; in his eyes was a shimmering glassy sheen, like he was in tears. “My girl...” He whispered as he caressed my face with his knuckles, almost as if he was still in disbelief. I felt my heart constrict. This is how he’d felt towards me, all this time. He’d been mine all alone.

When he kissed me again, I let him feel every part of me, everything that I’d hidden away, everything that I’d feared. I realised, as the strings of our hearts coiled through one another, we shouldn’t have feared the truth after all. In the end, we would have found the way to each other; if it was bound to happen, it would happen. We were never there to leave but to complete each other, to show what we could be, to bring out the best versions of ourselves. We needn’t stop being the best friends we’d always been. We could remain the same. We could be ourselves, and perhaps, something a little more.

As his lips lingered down the curve of my neck, I tilted my head. My hands found the knot of his robe and allowed it to fall apart. I watched him as his eyes changed in desire, as the robe covering my shoulder was peeled off, the cold air kissing my skin, as his hand snaked down my waist and disappeared underneath. Then I closed my eyes, trusting him completely, giving into him entirely, and allowed the night to continue.


	6. Chapter 6

“Please come through here”, one of the girls clad in a smart suit instructed pleasantly, and she ushered me along the narrow steps down the audience, the red carpet soft beneath my feet. The entire hall was filled with so many faces; known and unknown. Most of them were students, whom I barely recognised but still knew by the names, and some were invitees; close friends and family as well as fellow staff and academics. Just about everyone that had any connection whatsoever to Sung Gyu’s career were there to witness the occasion. The girl led me right to the front, which was completely unsurprising; to the seat right before the podium where I could see every inch of him as he’d always done before. It had been years since the last time. But of course, nothing had changed.

“Here you go, ma’am” the girl in the suit offered me a brochure which I accepted with a smile. The card was slick and cold against my fingers, and as my eye fell upon it, a massive tinge of pride ignited inside me. Here I was, looking at the love of my life, finally achieving what could be one of the biggest dreams in his life. I ran a hand down the shiny brochure and smiled at the figure of him standing proudly in the card. His smile said nothing about just how nervous and excited he must have been. After all, he’d wanted this for the longest time in his life.

It took days, months and years of sacrifices for him to come to this day, and words couldn’t describe just how and happy I felt. It wasn’t easy for him; just too many things happened to him at once, and only god knew how he’d pulled through it all as impeccably as he had. I looked over at the massive two closed curtains and sighed. In a matter of minutes, he would have his dreams coming true; and I was indescribably proud to be here, witnessing it all with him.

“Excuse me, ma’am?” A familiar voice called, and I looked up to see Sung Gyu’s TA, a young man called Sung Jong standing beside me, a bright smile donning his lips. He held out a folded lavender card, which he offered to me with both his hands. “Professor Kim wanted me to personally deliver this to you”

I smiled at him, although there was a persistent wave of excitement coursing through me. It’s been so long, but not a lot of things have changed. This had to be just one of them. “Thank you, Sung Jong Ssi” I politely took it from his hand. “How is he doing over there?”

Sung Jong had known me for quite a while, having been Sung Gyu’s TA for a long time. He was a nice kid, quite understanding and never took it personally when he had to act the messenger between us this whole time.

“Quite nervous, in fact” He replied sincerely. “But I suppose he knew you’d worry so he wanted me to tell you that he was alright”

I beamed at him, placing a hand on his arm. “Thank you, once again. You’ve been a great help”

“Glad to be” He told me, and I watched after him as he disappeared down the doors and let out a sigh. I knew that I sometimes worried unreasonably about him. He would be fine. He had done greater and much harder things to come up to this point, so I needn’t worry at all. But then I’d remember his face, the lines of tension and exhaustion around his eyes, and my heart would clench a little. I loved him so much. That much I could tell. And I could never be prouder.

Once Sung Jong was gone, I took a deep breath and finally looked down at the card in my hands. It had been a running inside joke between us ever since that first time. He would find the same type of paper and write to me a note whenever he would please. Coming from the man who despised the love poems in my wallet, it was pleasantly surprising. But I knew that this was different. For one, I hated those poems very much myself, whereas Sung Gyu’s little love notes, I couldn’t wait for the next and I had them all collected in a shoe box back at home.

I opened my card, and his familiar messy writing greeted me, and warmth filled my heart.

_‘Tonight, you’d definitely steal the show_

_Meet me later for some cake?_

_I love you’_

_~SG~_

“Dummy” I muttered before I could stop myself, my thumb rubbing along his letters as my heart inflated with love. I didn’t think it was even possible to love a person this so much, to fall for him again and again; but here I was.

The show tonight was all for him. He’d worked so hard, and finally its all paying off. But indeed, it was so like Sung Gyu. He would never take the credit on his own. Now I was waiting patiently, happy and excited for what he had planned to deliver. To be honest; I knew what it was going to be like. But he hadn’t revealed to me anything in detail. He said he’d like to keep it a secret, and I respected his wishes.

My phone pinged with a message as the lights of the hall slowly dimmed, drowning us all in the darkness. To my right, both mine and Sung Gyu’s fathers were seated, drowned in their own conversations. Our mothers, of course, had to stay outside. I pulled out my phone to see that my mother had sent a photo of them, and my heart just about burst open. Perfect. Everything was just so perfect.

The room fell in darkness and quietness ensued. I knew what this meant. It was starting.

The soft intro of the piano filled the quietness of the hall, taking my breath away. I knew that sound by heart; I’ve heard it being played thousand million times. The curtains lifted, and a collective sound of breath intakes followed. The entire hall was lightened up by the brilliance of the stage; and there they were, Sung Gyu’s very own Choral Orchestra. Once the entire stage lightened up, so many faces gazing across the audience from the stage, Sung Gyu finally entered and climbed up on the podium.

I could swear to god, I fell in love with him, just like I always did, the moment that he stood on the stage before me. I had seen him like this before. It was I who iron his shirt and pressed his suit, fixed his hair and did the bow tie on his neck before he kissed me. Although I had seen it all, I still fell harder in love with him. I had never seen anyone so confident, so beautiful. I wished I could tell the world that he was mine, that he was the love of my life.

He turned to the audience then, and my hands unconsciously gripped onto the card in my hand. He would do so well tonight. He’d worked so hard for this. I felt so very proud of him _. Mine_ , I told myself as he bowed to the audience, a gloved hand pressed on his chest. He straightened up then, and he was looking directly down at me, smiling in this disarming way. I held my breath. To my distance, I could see the stars in his eyes. It was then that I saw it, he was forming a tiny love heart on his fingers. I looked to his face to see him mouthing at me; ‘I love you’ before he turned away. I was in awe. My heart, perhaps, had stopped beating.

The orchestra itself was so much of hard work; to bring together all the players from the university as well as from outside, training and setting them together so that they played out for their passion as one. It took him ages to make them perfect, practicing and changing and replacing hundred million times. But it had always been his dream to conduct an orchestra of his own; it took almost four years to have his dreams coming true.

The addition of a choir came about being inspired by something that I said. I, of course, had absolutely no idea about how all of these things worked. I was a licensed translator; I could tell apart what people said in different languages, not tell apart what a choir and an orchestra did. So, one day as we both sat together in the sofa watching some of Sung Gyu’s most favourite orchestras on the TV, I just so happened to ask him what happened if we put in a bunch of singers inside. I had imagined that Sung Gyu could perhaps sing with them apart from conducting an orchestra or have a choir as a second option in case the orchestra couldn’t pull through. What he ended up perceiving from my humble little question was that it was the best thing ever that I’d come up with. He made love to me that night just because I had inspired him and I went along with it, although a little perplexed. Who was I to say no to that? Two weeks later he came in and announced that he’d managed to get Kyunghee’s very own choir to join in with him with the orchestra. And so, the ‘Kyunghee Philharmonic Orchestra’ was born.

And tonight, it was their first performance as well as Sung Gyu’s first as a conductor. He required years of training and practice to come to that position, which he had to tackle with work and life, which wasn’t an easy task itself. Adding to that putting together the orchestra and the choir in a way that they’d be in complete harmony, it was all too difficult for him. During that time, he showed me just how strong and persevering he was to achieve whatever he loved. That’s how he’d been in chasing after his dreams. That’s how he’d been, finally finding me.

Although I didn’t know much about classical music, I knew it for a fact that it was so complex, conducting the orchestra and the choir both together. I’d seen them practicing million times. I’d seen Sung Gyu losing his patience and getting frustrated over simple mistakes that nobody in the audience could tell. Something so subtle, something that only he can gather with his sharp expertise. Once when I’d asked him about it, how he could find even the slightest mishaps, what he’d told me was  _‘Listen’_. According to him, while the orchestra had different timings and tempos, some high, some low, the strings different from bases and so on, the choir had to always be on beat. They were perfectly timed and specific while the orchestra could be different from one another. Then I had asked how the hell did he conduct them together at once? I was mystified, I had to say. For that moment Sung Gyu seemed to me a super hero, someone doing something that was humanely impossible in my mind. Then he laughed at me and pressed a finger to my temple. “You listen, Saera. That’s what you do. The conductor couldn’t possibly bring the two together; its them who do so by listening to each other, and all I have to do is make sure that they listen”

I realised then, what had gotten him so worked up every time something seemingly went wrong in practices was that the players were not listening to the singers. On hindsight, I guess, that had to make one hell of a good relationship advice; to make your love work, you’d listen to each other until your thoughts align with each other, just like them Choral Orchestras did.

And perhaps, that was the mechanism that he used on our everlasting relationship as well.

The orchestra played a set of well selected numbers. Some were classics, some were modern songs covered in an orchestral version which really took a lot of hard work. I had been there when he selected what pieces went in the concert and what didn’t. He was asking for my opinion too, although I was nil in it. I, of course, appreciated how hard he tried to get me involved in it. But I did contribute by suggesting that maybe he could try covering one of  _our_  songs in the concert. It was foolish, I know. But then he actually tried it and it worked.

When they played that song tonight, I felt tears in my eyes. All I could see from where I sat was his back, the constant movements of his arms, the way his shoulders flexed, head lowered and sometimes threw back, completely engrossed, like he was in a trance. I had often seen him going into this; I didn’t know what they called it, but a sort of mental state where the artist focused on nothing but the task in hand. When he was doing this, nothing could break his stance, nothing should disturb him. And I’d tried my best to support this, although at some point it just became too difficult to not to. Somehow, I just watched him from his back, this person, the man who held my heart. I couldn’t help but notice just how small he appeared to be, His dark hair had slight brownish ripples, the cufflinks as always, glimmered under the lights. Underneath his sleeves, I could see the graceful movements of his hands. How was it possible? I’d often wondered as I watched him. How did he know these things? How did he control an entire world just with a flicker of his hands? He was incredible, really. Nothing could ever compare to that.

Towards the end, I realised that I had been in some sort of a trance the entire time. Two hours had almost come to an end, all of his pieces performed impeccably well, the entire Hall of Peace in an absolute standstill. It was quiet inside, save for waves of claps at the end of each piece. And now, they were playing the last number; Pachelbel’s Canon in D. After that, it will all be over, his dream keeping its first milestone forth with one successfully completed masterpiece.

Pachelbel’s Canon in D was quite a long piece, which couldn’t be done with the choir lest it would be too complex. Therefore, at the end of the piece when the choir lined up in front of the orchestra again, a buzz of voices erupted behind me. It was not possible. This was the last piece. I looked at the agenda in my hands, and I was right. There were no more choral numbers mentioned underneath.

As the buzz of the audience heightened, a mild sense of panic settled in the pit of my stomach. Our fathers were glancing at me in question as to what was suddenly taking place before me, and I gazed up at Sung Gyu who appeared completely unperturbed, standing still, his back to the audience. Once the choir settled in, however, Sung Gyu stepped down from the podium, and I held my breath.

What on earth was going on here?

From the side of the stage, another one of the most senior conductors walked onto the stage. He was one of Sung Gyu’s mentors, perhaps the one that he was the closest to. He and Sung Gyu politely bowed to each other, and in a strangely complacent movement, Sung Gyu handed over his baton to him. Unconsciously, my hand covered my mouth, my heart beating in my throat. Sung Gyu had worked ever so hard to bring up his orchestra. Then why was he up there, handing it over to his mentor?

But then, something even stranger happened. A mic stand was brought up onto the stage and was placed somewhere in front of the podium and Sung Gyu stood behind it; his hands rested beautifully around the mic, and his eyes, somehow were gazing straight down at me. He tapped onto the mic and soon the buzz of the audience died down. There was an expectant beat of silence as he smiled at everyone apologetically. I was still perplexed. A little sad and angry as well. Was he really going to give his orchestra away, or-?

“I’m extremely sorry for this encore happening under such short notice” He addressed the audience, his voice dripping with confidence, not a single sign of someone who was giving his hard-earned pride away. “It had to happen this way as this final performance is, in fact, a very special surprise for a very special person in my life”

Sung Gyu, as he said this, gazed straight down at me. He raised a hand then and gestured at where I was sitting; I could feel all the eyes on me; curious and surprised. I, on the other hand...well...I didn’t think I had words to describe. A special performance.

For me.

_For me._

The entire time, I almost died thinking that he was giving up on everything that he worked for but all this time he had planned a special encore performance for me?

What did I do to deserve someone who loved me so dearly like him?

I was crying. I didn’t realise that I was until I felt the tears descending down my cheeks. He hadn’t just planned a special performance for me. That wasn’t all. He was going to sing for me. The surprise didn’t at all end there.

He had written, composed and arranged his own song, all for me.

As Sung Gyu started singing, just like it always did, everything else in the world blurred around me. All I could see at that moment was him. I traced the sight of him, this love of my life; I created an eternal image of this moment in my mind to keep with until the end of my time. Just like he always did, his hands rested on the mic stand, his eyes, almost always closed, would open to only and only look at me. It was if, for that one moment, I was all that he could see and wanted to see. I held his gaze whenever he did that, and he would smile at me. All through this, not a word or a note that he sang was amiss as he serenaded along to a tune that he himself had created. A song, that I realised, sang about a love so pure and beautiful, a love that one had had for a best friend.

A love like ours, like his love had always been, for me.

That moment, I guess, was the peak of our relationship together. We’ve been together for five years now, and we’ve had so many ups and downs as well. So many peak moments, so many changes taking place within a shortest span of time. After all of that, however, it was our love that had never changed. And the reason for that, I knew was because we started out as best friends of twenty years. We knew each other so well, and we loved and accepted each other despite everything. With each and every day, we’ve just grown closer, become stronger; and the peak of it all had to be this moment, when he’d composed a song for me, singing out his love for me on his first ever concert to the entire congregation. There was the whole orchestra playing the music for him as the choir harmonised in the background. Throughout it all, Sung Gyu’s deep, stable voice stood out the most. I already knew just how talented he was, with all the capabilities that he had, just how well he could shine amongst anyone. But his talents didn’t seem to have a limit, and he never failed to surprise me with what more he could give. And tonight, for the first time in my life, I was seeing the ultimatum of all his strengths put together, a surprising combination, an unexpected reveal of the truth.

As the song ended, I had cried so hard that my face was damp and my father had to hand over his handkerchief to me, tutting under his breath. He must have thought this was ridiculous, but he still understood how Sung Gyu and I were. At the end of the performance, the entire crowd cheered so loud that it went beyond the simple clap-and-move-on routine that they had before. Sung Gyu was beaming as he looked around, and the conductor, the entire orchestra, the backing choir for him, all of them clapped together. To where I was, I could see the tears in his eyes. Sung Gyu was crying himself. As the cheers died down and as my tears dried up, Sung Gyu tapped on the mic once more, beckoning everyone’s utmost attention.

“This, tonight, can’t possibly end here” He announced, earning yet another round or perplexed gasps. I stared at him, astounded. What on earth did he have up his sleeve? I didn’t suppose that anybody who came here for the concert tonight had expected this turn of events.

“Saera” He called all of a sudden, taking me by surprise. I came to a standstill; so, did the entire audience. Then he took the mic off the stand with such an intensity, his face grave and giving nothing away. As the entire audience remained absolutely quiet, curious of what more the sudden turn of even could have, Sung Gyu took the small steps down the stage towards me. The entire audience gasped, and the world had started to spin around me. I could see him approaching as I remained frozen to my seat, and behind me, I could hear a girl gasp in excitement; “I think he’s going to propose!”

Time stilled for a moment, and Sung Gyu crouched down before me, taking my hands in his. Then with the mic held to his mouth with one hand, with his eyes never moving away from mine, he worded it out to me, stark and clear;

“Yoon Saera. Although I’d taken so long, it would never be too late for this”

A pause as we all held our breath.

“Will you marry me?”

 

 

A few months after Sung Gyu and I started going out, we decided to move in together. Our parents wanted us to get married first; they wanted us to have that discussion, make possible arrangements and then consider moving in, but both our jobs and lack of time didn’t allow that time and luxury. Sung Gyu soon had to go abroad for his training for his Orchestral conducting, and with my change of jobs from the embassy to the foreign ministry, things just got a bit too complex. I had to move in only because my lease on the flat ran out and moving in with my parents was not an option for me. As Sung Gyu went to Scotland for his training, we had to postpone a possible marriage even further. He returned a year and a half later, trained and prepared, the dream of starting his own orchestra in hand. What with the difficulty of putting it together, the possible marriage plans had to be pushed back even further. It never really affected us; we still loved dearly, we still lived together as well as any married couple would. I loved him no matter what reason came between our marriage. We both had it in mind, but never the time or the possibility to put it forth between us. Two years into it, then, something even more unexpected happened to come about which made a possible wedding even more difficult to go about under the circumstances. The times were getting difficult, the familial and social pressure even more. We had our marriage registered as we had unavoidable circumstances. Legally married but no wedding celebration, we pulled forwards over what could have been a couple of most difficult hurdles of our lives. At the back of our minds, a wedding ceremony still remained. Sung Gyu knew that I was unhappy that I missed my chance of a beautiful wedding. He knew that I wanted it although I’d never brought it up to him. Not that I particularly loved weddings, but because, for all the right reasons, weddings held a special significance for the both of us.

And that was the reason why, although we were married, he had asked me to marry him, yet again, in front of everyone. And that was also the reason why, although we were married, I had to tell him in front of everyone, yet again-,

“Yes, yes I will” I threw my arms around him and held him close. As his hands rested tightly around my waist, I had the chance to whisper into his ear; “We’re already married, dummy”

He chuckled and gently caressed my back in response. “I knew you would love it”

I wouldn’t admit it to him in words, no. but he was right. I truly did.

 

 

 

“How did it go?” My mother exclaimed as we approached her outside the hall, her voice echoing throughout and bouncing off the walls. “I can’t believe we missed it” Sung Gyu’s mother added, mock accusingly although she had a proud smile across her lips.

“You’ve heard enough of me already, Omma” Sung Gyu replied as he extricated himself from me, approaching his mother in quick steps. I knew what he was especially so excited about, the excitement was mutual, and the exhilarated little sounds echoed throughout the vast hall.

“Ah Sung Jae-ah!” Sung Gyu exclaimed in this adorable way that he always did, his arms held out, and Sung Gyu’s mother passed our baby son into his arms. Sung Jae was equally excited to see his daddy, and he was blabbering loudly and unstoppably about something that he’d seen, his doe eyes widened, hand clutching onto Sung Gyu’s shirt. Sung Gyu held him close and kissed him on his dark tuft of hair “You know what, sweetheart? Mummy and daddy are finally getting married!” He told him, although I knew that it was our mothers that he was talking to but was too embarrassed to address them himself. Somethings about Sung Gyu never seemed to change.

“Omona!” My mother clutched onto my hand. “Again?”

Sung Gyu’s mother chuckled as Sung Gyu held our baby against his waist. Sung Jae was the absolute mirror image of his father. The same almond eyes, the same fluffy cheeks and even his first two front teeth were the same, bucked in the middle like two opening doors; a beautifully haunting resemblance. Sung Gyu’s mother even said that he was the exact same as baby Sung Gyu so many years ago. And I had to say that the Sung Gyu now would sometimes show the tendencies himself.

“Finally, we’re getting the long-awaited wedding then” Said Sung Gyu’s mother as she gently fixed Sung Jae’s hair. Sung jae seemed to understand her, her affection and the sense of her words. He responded to her, blabbering something loudly in his baby words, and when everyone started laughing, he just got embarrassed, put his little arms around his father’s neck and buried his face against him.

“Aw, my baby...” Sung Gyu cooed, kissing him on his head, his eyes so brilliant, a smile perpetually on his lips. There were so many things that Sung Gyu was so happy about. There was his job, his family and me. But what made him the happiest in his life was nothing else but his little baby boy.

When we first found out that I was pregnant, Sung Gyu was in the middle of his preparations for the orchestra. Everyone’s idea was that we had the wedding first and left the orchestra aside, focusing on the family first; but I had seen how hard Sung Gyu worked for this, day and night without a breath or a sleep. He’d be devastated would we put it aside; and the worst thing was that he’d never tell me that, he’d never let it on and suffer quietly on his own. I knew it was going to be difficult for me, that I had to perhaps put my own dreams aside. I’d told him that evening, after all the excitement of a pregnancy flittered away and reality settled in, that a wedding can wait, that it wasn’t important, but for the baby’s sake, we had to register. And that’s what we did. A wedding was not important, although we thought we’d get around to it before the baby arrived. But I had a few complications during the pregnancy that it never came about as well. When little Sung Jae was first born, we both couldn’t be happier. We had so many hopes and dreams for him, we both still do; and in the warm little nestle of our love, of our home, baby Sung Jae grew and nurtured, and so did Sung Gyu’s dreams, then mine. It was just like how the choir and orchestra worked together, how the elements connected and played together in perfect harmony. Its how we built our lives together. And now, it was time for the final performance.

“When would it be?” asked my mother, already getting into the mood of planning things.

“I haven’t thought of it yet” Sung Gyu replied, one of his fingers being wrapped around by Sung Jae’s stubby little hand. Sung Jae was trying to put it in his mouth, which Sung Gyu was not allowing him to, with a gentle tug. Sung Jae was almost two years old now. He was growing up fast, and as he was teething, the best of his interest as of now was putting anything and everything that caught his eyes, in his mouth, which, of course, was not in the best of  _our_  interest.

“Well, its almost spring, the cherry blossom season is around the corner” reminded his mother, raising her brows at me. It didn’t take long for me it to occur to me. Yes,  _oh god, it made perfect sense!_

Sung Gyu looked over at me, looking a little perplexed. He was so ridiculously clueless. He literally didn’t get what his mother was actually hinting at, and that had me laughing.

Sung Gyu narrowed his eyes. “Am I missing something here?”

I approached him, held out my hands towards him and he naturally passed the baby into my arms. “You, Kim Sung Gyu are absolutely clueless” I told him.

“Well, I’m sorry I’m not the sharpest tool in the shed here” He pouted, and I laughed, so did Sung Jae as if he understood anything we said. Then I pressed a hand onto his cheek.

“How do you marry a girl on your  _birthday_  without her stealing the show?”

 

It took a long time for the truth to dawn upon him, and then he made that cute sound of surprise. Sung Jae did that too, and we were all indescribably contented. Our story was coming to a new chapter in our lives, just like that. And to celebrate this new turn, this new change, we all went out together and had all the cake we wanted. After all, its’s what which had brought us together. Sung Gyu placed a slice of cake on the table before me as Sung Jae sat in my lap that evening, and then, much to my surprise, a folded lavender card, and my breath hitched in my throat.

“Hm? What?” I glanced up at him, my hand reaching for his resting on my shoulder.

But before even I could respond to him, he’d surreptitiously kissed me on my neck, his lips lingering warmly on my skin and soon was gone on his way. I looked down at our son, the exact miniature version of him in my arms with a lump of frosting in his hand and felt an intense wave of contentment within me. It was strange really. A slice of cake and a message had taken us such a long way. With a smile, then, I reached for this last message that he’d left for me with a cake, just the way we started.

* * *


End file.
